The Narcissist

is a control freak. He finds pleasure in causing pain to others and thrives on the sense of power it brings. If not also physically abusive, he is an emotional bully; manipulating, overpowering, and tormenting his victims. Children, having no escape, suffer lifelong consequences at the hands of a narcissistic parent.

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Related articles

• Emotional Vampires at Work (mheasiabusiness.com)
• The dripping tap of emotional abuse in the Sociopath and Narcissist relationship (paularenee.wordpress.com)
• The Cycle Of Abuse In a Relationship with the Sociopath or Narcissist (lessonsbank.wordpress.com)
• Narcissists are highly abusive people…. (healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com)
• Leaving the Narcissist (wendypowell.ca)

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Don’t be a victim!

As if it’s a choice. No one chooses to be a victim. It’s the psychopath who calls the shots. It’s the predator who chooses its prey. However, we can reduce the risk of becoming victims. By learning about psychopathic traits, we become better equipped to recognize abusive people so that we can keep a distance from them, if not stay away completely.

• Related articles on Psychopath Resistance:
• Bullies get a kick out of seeing others in pain.
• Why is there so little psychopathy awareness?
• A game of destroying people
• Identifying different psychopaths
• Predator or prey?
• Hunting grounds
• Some people really are that hostile

No conscience = more options

Cloak of Conscience

“Truth and reason are of no value to narcissists and psychopaths. Their aim is to defeat, exploit, and dominate—and not get caught. Lacking a conscience, they are free to use any method that will give them the upper hand without any ethical inhibitions standing in their way. Abusive people don’t feel that they owe their victims, or anyone else, a reason for their behavior. By ignoring requests for an explanation, they enjoy the sense of power they get from denying their victim the most basic respect.”

Other articles

• The Invisible Psychopath—By The Time You Recognize Them It’s Too Late (scott-williams.ca)
  
• When a psychopath, narcissist, cluster-b, ASPD won’t leave. (lifebegins45.wordpress.com)
• Why psychopaths like to wear badges and uniforms (everydayredflags.wordpress.com)

What is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling consists of:

1. Refusal to negotiate a conflict in good faith
2. Refusal to discuss honestly one’s motivations
3. Refusal to listen to another point of view with openness
4. Refusal to compromise
5. Refusal to collaborate
6. Refusal to support the other person’s plans
7. Refusal to accept influence

By Michael Samsel

Read more about stonewalling…

(abuseandrelationships.org)

A Game of Destroying People

A Game of Destroying People

“Psychopaths blame their victims for what happened
and consider the victims’ fate irrelevant.”

The mocking and controlling behavior of the psychopathic mind is motivated by a claim for submission. The submission brings them feelings of excitement consisting of a type of victory. They enjoy what they consider to be a game of destroying people. It’s amusing to them.

A Game of Destroying People

Devalue and discard

A narcissist will quickly devalue and discard his target, claiming he is the victim. His victims are now put in a defensive role by his lies and character assassination. By involving others he is enlarging his circle of those who give him attention. Any attention you may have given him is now replaced and multiplied by other people he manages to fool. A win/win scenario for a narcissist.

He will increase his attempts to provoke his victim into some reaction—the more emotional the better to make her look crazy and himself sane. Do NOT take his bait. It is his trap and setup. Provoking you into a reaction is his goal.

Dr. Vaknin explains: “Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”

“Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey’s acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem.”

Dr. Sam Vaknin
Narcissism by Proxy, FAQ#42  

Related articles

• Some Thoughts I’ve Found About Narcissists… (parentalalienationnj.wordpress.com)
• In Order to Live (imperfectlady.typepad.com)

The shortest, simplest definition of “psychopath”

A psychopath is a person who is sane but amoral.
It is a character defect—not a mental illness.

The Evil Mind
(nancyjcohen.wordpress.com)

The Invisible Psychopath
(psychologytoday.com)

You Might be a Psychopath; Psychological Catch 22
(wondergressive.wordpress.com)

Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment

Stonewallers, whether sociopaths or not, are seriously disturbed communicators. Their indifference to the stonewalled party’s experience, as noted, can be chilling. Their stonewalling often reflects character pathology, in which case they won’t change—they will always be stonewallers.

Read the article by Steve Becker, LCSW •Lovefraud.com

The skilled liar

Abusers tend to be comfortable lying, having years of practice (and no qualms,) and so can sound believable when making baseless statements. The abuser benefits when people feel too uncomfortable to ask a seemingly sincere, respectable person to substantiate a claim, or fail to look closely at evidence—if not ignore it—because of his charm or perceived authority. He also benefits when people believe that they can “just tell” who is lying and who is telling the truth, and so fail to adequately investigate.

Ted Bundy: a really nice guy…

	“Nice and friendly” is the persona of many con artists, abusers, paedophiles, and killers. Ted Bundy was handsome and educated. The number of young women he raped and killed has not been determined, but it may have been more than 200.
Ted Bundy was intelligent and charming.	Ted Bundy’s 1968 VW Beetle. This was the car he used for most of his murders. Now on display at the National Museum of Crime & Punishment in Washington, DC (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Missing 8-Year-Old Was Bundy’s First Victim? (prweb.com)
Imagining Ted Bundy (psychologytoday.com)
The Ted Bundy Stats on Facebook – Unbelievable! (bonjupatten.com)

Misogyny

Find out more:
Men who hate women

It takes two to tango?

When friends and family remain neutral about abuse and say that both people are responsible in a conflict, or that both need to change, they are actually colluding with the abuser and making it harder for the victim to seek support. What a dumb idea; that in every conflict both parties are always at fault. Another idiocy is the belief that it is morally wrong to ‘choose sides,’ even in abuser/victim situations. How can it be morally correct to watch someone being abused and do nothing? Abusers will use our misconceptions to their advantage.

• Taking Responsibility (cpsmenacetosociety.wordpress.com)

Victims of Psychopaths: True Stories

From DailyStrength.org: 

“Is he beyond a narcissist? Is he a sociopath or psychopath? Think we’re only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths, and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category. They are doctors, attorneys, ministers, students, and truck drivers. They are realtors, construction workers, and professors. They are your boss, your neighbor, your family member, and your lover or husband. You might even be with one now and not know.”

Victims of Psychopaths/Sociopaths

Read the victims’ personal accounts and notice the similarities between the psychopathic abusers that they describe!

Love fraud

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Lovefraud Blog and Lovefraud.com

Wake up to the danger of sociopaths/psychopaths

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New blog posts

 •  Sociopaths/psychopaths as aliens

 •  With the Penn State report, a public understanding of unbelievable betrayal

 •  How to break a “culture of silence”—remove everyone

 •  Warning others: a moral obligation or crossing the line?

 •  Letters to Lovefraud: I provided her a road map to my life

 •  Red Flags of Love Fraud featured in Courier Post newspaper

 •  Signs of a psycho/sociopath in a chilling story from New York

Some people really are that hostile.

“These people are at war with you. Don’t ever tell them your secrets or your insecurities. They will just use it against you to inflict more pain. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but some people really are that hostile towards the world that they really are out to emotionally hurt everyone and anyone. The people they are closest to are just their easiest victims.”

In Sheep’s Clothing:

Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

by George K. Simon

On Amazon: In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George K. Simon

“…bear in mind you are dealing with highly skilled manipulators. They’ve had years and years of experience being covertly aggressive–do not underestimate their power. It happens so quickly, so subtly, you must arm yourself with tools to fight such monsters.”

“I have met a lot of people who have said something rude, did something in total disregard to my feelings and then gave lame excuses, no excuses or even tried to accuse me of being the bad guy afterwards. These manipulative people know what they’re doing, they don’t care, and they get a kick out of manipulating you.”

“These people are at war with you. Don’t ever tell them your secrets or your insecurities. They will just use it against you to inflict more pain.”

“For the first time in my life, I understand why I perceive people are “always taking advantage of me”. I’ve let them. Since I’ve been speaking up, I feel empowered and alive. This book saved my perspective, if not my life…”

“They look like us, but they are extremely smooth at decieving and come in many forms!”

Egyptian nanny cooks husband

Omaima Aref Nelson, 24-year-old nanny and model.

Psychotic, psychopathic, or neither?

On Thanksgiving weekend 1991, Nelson bludgeoned pilot William Nelson, her much-older husband whom she married after a four-week courtship, in their Costa Mesa apartment.

Then she skinned the torso, cooked the decapitated head and fried the hands in oil. She was arrested after she stuffed some of her husband’s body parts into garbage bags and offered a friend $75,000 to help her with the disposal.

Omaima Nelson contended her husband beat and raped her regularly, and said she killed him after a particularly brutal assault. A psychologist testified that she suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and said she was psychotic.

She was convicted of second-degree murder in January 1993 and sentenced to 28 years to life.

The background story:  Omaima was born in Saudi Arabia. When she was just six years old, her father ordered her circumcision. She said she screamed and screamed until some older brothers had to tie her down for them to perform this terrible ceremony. She immigrated to the US and married the very cruel Mr. Nelson. Consummating her marriage was excruciatingly painful. As time went on, her husband’s drinking problem became worse and each time he would beat her and sexually assault her. The last time, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, she said she snapped and broke a glass lamp over his head that disabled him. The rest is history…

Pictured above: Omaima Aref Nelson in court in 1992.  File Photo by Bruce Chambers, The Orange County Register

Stonewalling a.k.a. “the silent treatment”

	Abusers often use stonewalling as a tactic because it is a way to apply pressure that seemingly can’t be confronted because the abuser can claim that he is “not doing anything.”

Bullies get a kick out of seeing others in pain.

Brain scans of teens with a history of aggressive bullying behavior suggest that they may actually get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. While this may come as little surprise to those who have been victimized by bullies, it is not what the researchers expected.

The reason they were surprised is because the prevailing view is that these kids are cold and unemotional in their aggression.

“It is entirely possible their brains are lighting in the way they are because they experience seeing pain in others as exciting and fun and pleasurable,” said one researcher.

“We need to test that hypothesis more, but that is what it looks like,” he added.

Related articles

• ‘Bully’, a must-see for teens (bostonglobe.com)
• Emotional bullying (salemwitchhunt.wordpress.com)
• Are You Immune to Bullying? Learn about Someone who Is. (standupagainstbullyingguy.wordpress.com)
• The Anatomy of a Bully (dearfriendsblog.wordpress.com)
• Mom Seeks Restraining Order Against Daughter’s 9-Year-Old Bully (dreamindemon.com)
• Bullying (neumannpsychology.wordpress.com)
• Bullying study findings (itv.com)
• Bullying Helps (momentmatters.wordpress.com)

Men who hate women

Misogynist narcissists

Heterosexual women bear the brunt of narcissistic heterosexual men’s hostility, according to a 2010 study.

Narcissists’ lack of empathy, feelings of entitlement, and perceptions of being deprived of ‘deserved’ admiration and gratification can make them prone to aggression and vengeance.

The results from this study reveal that straight men’s narcissism is linked to an adversarial and angry stance toward straight women more than toward other groups. Although narcissists may want to maintain feelings of superiority and power over all people, narcissistic heterosexual men are particularly invested in subordinating heterosexual women because they are “gatekeepers in men’s quest for sexual pleasure, patriarchal power and status,” the study authors explain.

Another conclusion from the study is that male narcissists believe that heterosexual relationships should be patriarchal rather than egalitarian.

Read the full article.