The Psychopath Advantage

Is the trick to winning a custody battle against a narcissistic ex a matter of appearing more psychopathic than him/her?

From: Pierce the Darkness
May 21, 2013

At every court appearance or evaluator session I noticed that the opposition would present crazy evidence, accusations or witness declarations that were complete exaggerations or outright lies. I asked myself how it was that they were able to so often present this stuff and get away with it?

The answer was simple: They appeared confident and believable, their stories combined with their appearance made others think there could be truth to their version of events, especially when contrasted against my own outward appearance. I was, in short, a valuable tool in helping them look better.

• Psychopaths are manipulators. (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)
• Should we all be more psychopathic? (bbc.co.uk)
• Mass nervous breakdown: Millions of Americans on the brink as stress pandemic ravages society (familysurvivalprotocol.com)
• Custody Battle (mickyxiahtic.wordpress.com)
• Dad gives kids meth laced cookies to get custody from ex (newsfixnow.com)
• How To Get Joint Custody Of Your Child In Family Law (aboutthechildrenblog.com)
• Divorced British father ‘arrested in France after his two children found with throats slit following bitter custody battle’ (mirror.co.uk)

Liars

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Related posts on Psychopath Resistance:

• The Skilled Liar
  
• It’s so easy to be fooled
• They seem completely normal
• Why is it so hard to hold abusers accountable?
  

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Psychopaths are manipulators.

Psychopaths are manipulators.

A psychopath knows how to get people to sympathize with him and turn them against his victim. Manipulating people is an entertaining game for a psychopath. He enjoys feeling powerful and superior as he watches his unsuspecting ‘pawns’ subject his victim to criticism, blame, abuse, and rejection.

See also: A Game of Destroying People

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Are You Trustworthy?

Trustworthy?
You’re an honest, forthright person. You take your obligations seriously. You would never dream of taking advantage of someone—so when a sociopath takes advantage of you, you won’t see it coming. If you play by the rules, know this:
Sociopaths don’t.

Read more at LoveFraud.com.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Why is it so hard to hold psychopathic abusers accountable?

Because they play dirty. They don’t follow any rules of civil interaction. Lacking a conscience, they have no moral constraints on their behavior, and when confronted, they simply deny their evil deeds. They couldn’t care less about civility, decency, morality, or honor as long as their actions pay out and their unethical behavior is kept under the public radar. They are free to lie, con, deceive, manipulate, intimidate, incriminate, or use any other trick in the book. We may not recognize the disingenuous conniving techniques they use to control and manipulate. An experienced abuser is extraordinarily devious and almost impossible to pin down. Primed with denial strategies, he’s always ahead of the game. Psychopaths use numerous deception tactics to create and maintain a respectable, virtuous, likable—maybe even admirable—public persona that deceives the best of us. They take advantage of our tendency to not recognize evidence that contradicts our beliefs, such as dishonesty and other lowly character traits in an individual who has ‘won’ our trust, respect, and appreciation. The persona provides a cover for devious schemes, exploitation, and abuse.  A psychopathic individual may believe that all of us play the same game—only he is smarter and superior while most other people are weak, inferior pushovers. Until understanding of psychopathy becomes widespread public knowledge, the predator’s hunting grounds will remain saturated with easy prey.  Persona: the aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others.

Related articles

• Morality and dispassionate analysis (marginalrevolution.com)
• One of the main tactics a psychopath uses to win the trust of even the most intelligent and intuitive people is what I have come to term the Ice Breaking Technique. (inquiringminds.cc)

Polished Manners

The Official Etiquette Rules for the Vintage Advice Group (Photo: Ann Douglas)

Don’t be fooled by nice manners. What looks like politeness can be pretense used to sugarcoat aggressive, manipulative, or false communication. Look at the content; not merely the cover. In other words; pay attention to what the person is saying, and don’t be fooled by who he is or how he is saying it.

See also It’s so easy to be fooled

People find narcissists attractive

By Daisy Grewal at
Scientific American

Slander Tactics

Stripped of context, the victim’s reactions appear to be unprovoked—as if out of the blue and without reason—with deceived bystanders, unaware that they are being used as pawns, hopping onto the bully’s bandwagon as a possible result, strengthening his position and making his victim look worse.

“OMG yes, before I finally resolved to go NC all the way and blocked his calls and texts, he would text me nasty remarks to which I replied in the same vein. I later learned he’d shown the reply texts to others without showing the one’s he’d sent to me first, which were obviously meant just to goad me into responding so he could say “see, she won’t leave me alone, she’s stalking me”. I still haven’t gotten over my anger at this and everything else he’s done. Some days are better than others; today’s a bad one.”

These people lack empathy and moral values. They want the upper hand and they have no qualms about using dirty tricks to get it.

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• The Smear Campaign—Trademark of the Sociopath (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
• An Honest Mistake = Slander? (edreform.com)
• Facebook Bullies (spreadinformation.wordpress.com)
• Avoiding mudslinging preemptively (ask.metafilter.com)
• Modern Slander: Man Sues Ex-Girlfriends for Online Remarks (blogs.lawyers.com)
• Brian Takita: Libel & Slander (cgmatteo.wordpress.com)
• Slander Is Murder With Words (patheos.com)

Identifying Different Psychopaths

The skilled liar

Abusers tend to be comfortable lying, having years of practice (and no qualms,) and so can sound believable when making baseless statements. The abuser benefits when people feel too uncomfortable to ask a seemingly sincere, respectable person to substantiate a claim, or fail to look closely at evidence—if not ignore it—because of his charm or perceived authority. He also benefits when people believe that they can “just tell” who is lying and who is telling the truth, and so fail to adequately investigate.

When compassion is a mistake

What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we’ve been taught to believe about human nature. We’ve been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or “hung-up.” So, while our gut tells us we’re dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded “underneath.” What’s more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don’t really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We’re more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator’s character.

Victims of Psychopaths: True Stories

From DailyStrength.org: 

“Is he beyond a narcissist? Is he a sociopath or psychopath? Think we’re only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths, and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category. They are doctors, attorneys, ministers, students, and truck drivers. They are realtors, construction workers, and professors. They are your boss, your neighbor, your family member, and your lover or husband. You might even be with one now and not know.”

Victims of Psychopaths/Sociopaths

Read the victims’ personal accounts and notice the similarities between the psychopathic abusers that they describe!

Wall Street Psychopaths

Power, money and psychopaths

A well-respected Wall Street money manager posts an article explaining how pathological predators are ripping apart the economy and society.

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• In the mind of the psychopath (sciencedaily.com)
• Corporate Psychopaths Bad for Business (sott.net)
• Psychopaths Caused the Financial Crisis…
  And They Will Do It Again and Again Unless They Are Removed From Power
  (investmentwatchblog.com)
• The ‘Almost Psychopaths’ Among Us (wbur.org)
• Study: The odds are high that your boss really is a psychopath (holykaw.alltop.com)
• In the mind of the psychopath (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
• Almost Psychopaths in the Workplace (abookofhealing.com)

In Sheep’s Clothing:

Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

by George K. Simon

On Amazon: In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George K. Simon

“…bear in mind you are dealing with highly skilled manipulators. They’ve had years and years of experience being covertly aggressive–do not underestimate their power. It happens so quickly, so subtly, you must arm yourself with tools to fight such monsters.”

“I have met a lot of people who have said something rude, did something in total disregard to my feelings and then gave lame excuses, no excuses or even tried to accuse me of being the bad guy afterwards. These manipulative people know what they’re doing, they don’t care, and they get a kick out of manipulating you.”

“These people are at war with you. Don’t ever tell them your secrets or your insecurities. They will just use it against you to inflict more pain.”

“For the first time in my life, I understand why I perceive people are “always taking advantage of me”. I’ve let them. Since I’ve been speaking up, I feel empowered and alive. This book saved my perspective, if not my life…”

“They look like us, but they are extremely smooth at decieving and come in many forms!”

Kill the messenger

Rosa says:

Isn’t it amazing how sociopaths can run around smearing people, telling insidious lies with impunity….THEN……when WE try to warn others (with the TRUTH) about possible danger of the socio, it’s “Kill the Messenger” time….and we are the “Messenger”.

What’s up with that?

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Dear Rosa,

What you are describing is the standard abuser protocol called DARVO, an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse roles of Victim and Offender.

Your question and your righteous outrage are about psycho/sociopaths’ ability to harm others easily and repeatedly—with impunity—sometimes with devastating consequences for their victim. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the victim’s friends and family may withhold support or reject him/her at the worst of times because the abuser had the evil foresight to secure their sympathy and support, and at the same time, destroy the victim’s reputation and credibility.

The reason why pathological aggressors are so successful with this cunning scheme is quite simple: they are exceptionally skilled actors with a lifetime of practice in lying, manipulating, persuading, and deceiving. The psycho/sociopath will callously aim to crush his victim, unperturbed by ethical concerns. The victim’s options will be limited by his moral standards, and without the persuasive power of a psychopath, he may be unable to convince others of the truth of the matter.

Another reason why many of us are conned again and again is because we cannot fathom that an outwardly nice, intelligent, respectable person whom we may have expended exceptional kindness, trust, and generosity; would be capable of acting so atrociously. We find it hard to believe that there really are human beings who don’t have a conscience and we fail to see the patterns in our experiences that verify any ‘unpleasant’ facts that contradict or challenge our long held beliefs and attitudes.

Read about Denial and DARVO…

 

A fox in the henhouse

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Individuals with psychopathic traits are often attracted to affinity groups—religious, atheist, political, or social groups of people who share common values, beliefs, or interests. The collective trust that members of these groups have in one another and their common belief system provides a perfect cover for the psychopathic person. A psychopathic individual can be highly skilled at accurately mimicking the group’s beliefs or values while in the presence of its members. As a result, trust is easily gained and his or her true motives or covert activities are less likely to be discovered.

An affinity group that has been victimized may have members who are unable to face the truth about the exploitative individual. Often, they will rationalize why he or she took advantage of the group, and continue to believe that the person is basically good at heart.

Unfortunately, it is common for the group to side with the psychopathic person if he or she has targeted an individual member to exploit, abuse, or ostracize. With well established respect from the group, skillful manipulation and deceit, and a careful choice of victim, the aggressor will turn the tables and convincingly paint the victim as the guilty party.

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Read more at:

Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy Foundation

A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION PROVIDING INFORMATION AND SUPPORT FOR VICTIMS OF PSYCHOPATHY

It’s so easy to be fooled.

Psychopaths are superficially charming. They lack delusions or other signs of irrational thinking and are free of nervousness and anxiety. In other words, they present an image of stability, confidence, and overall good “mental health” that can disarm even the most experienced judge of human character.

Are we brainwashed to admire psychopaths?

One phenomenon all ponerogenic groups and associations have in common is the fact that their members lose (or have already lost) the capacity to perceive pathological individuals as such, interpreting their behavior in fascinated, heroic, or melodramatic ways. Andrew Lobaczewski

See also:  Political Ponerology

Stonewalling a.k.a. “the silent treatment”

	Abusers often use stonewalling as a tactic because it is a way to apply pressure that seemingly can’t be confronted because the abuser can claim that he is “not doing anything.”

They seem completely normal.

Individuals with this personality disorder are terrifyingly self-centered, remorseless, and unable to care about the feelings of others. Perhaps most frightening; they often seem completely normal to their unsuspecting targets.

13 Rules for dealing with a psycho/sociopath

According to Dr. Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door

1. Accept that some people have no conscience; that there are evil people in this world who do not act out of concern or love for another.
2. Listen to your instincts — labels (professional roles) do not make a good person. Look carefully at someone who “carries” a professional label, judging whether that individual’s behavior fits what is expected of that professional role.
3. Practice the rule of threes — One lie or broken promise may be a misunderstanding, two lies may involve a serious mistake, three lies — the individual is not trustworthy. Stay away from that individual.
4. Question authority.
5. Suspect flattery — when someone flatters you excessively, telling you how much they appreciate you or like it when you visit or how much they enjoy your conversations.
6. Redefine your concept of respect — respect must be earned. Don’t automatically give respect to an individual because of her professional role or her relationship to you.
7. Refuse to join the game — do not try to outsmart the sociopath. Do not reduce yourself to his level.
8. Once you identify a sociopath, avoid him, refuse any kind of interaction. It is the only way to protect yourself.
9. Question your tendency to pity too easily. Anyone who actively campaigns for your pity or consistently hurts others is likely a sociopath. Pity should be reserved for those who truly deserve it. Make sure the individual who seeks your help really needs it.
10. Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. If you are dealing with someone without a conscience, you cannot change them, no matter how educated or loving you are. Sociopaths have no reason to change; they like who they are.
11. Never agree to help a sociopath conceal her true character. You don’t owe the sociopath anything. Don’t believe that you are like her, no matter what she says. You are nothing like her.
12. Defend your psyche. Humanity is not a failure. Being kind and loving and caring is the best way to live. It is the way most people live their lives.
13. Living well is the best revenge.

Related articles

• What not to read before bed (morvensblog.wordpress.com)
• Doc Bonn Explains: The Difference Between a Sociopath and a Psychopath (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)
• Sociopaths and Psychopaths: Can They Be Cured? (phoenixsphere.com)
• Sociopaths R Us (lewrockwell.com)
• “Because most humans aren’t full-on sociopaths, alcohol and drugs are pretty much the only way…” (darkerme.com)
• Setting yourself up to be Judged (spreadinformation.wordpress.com)
• Why We Love Sociopaths (thelastpsychiatrist.com)
• Denzel Washington Studied Sociopaths for Safe House Role (shoppingblog.com)
• A Real Capacity for Evil (lewrockwell.com)
• Cape Fear (1991) (hesnersfilmcritiques.com)
• The Ascendence of Sociopaths in US Governance (theburningplatform.com)

Predator or Prey?

From the psychopath’s point of view, all people belong to one of two categories: predators or prey.

Beware of…

Psychopaths’ lack of empathy and guilt
allows them to lie with impunity; they do
not see the value of telling the truth 
unless it will help get them what they want.