Deceit and Manipulation

Dr Robert Hare


Fighting the Workplace Bully

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Expect to be on your own in your fight with a workplace bully, with no support from within the company. Co-workers are more likely to distance themselves from your problems, hoping to preserve their own positions and opportunities.
PatternBarHa700Don’t be too surprised by the ruthlessness of a workplace bully’s actions or the rewards and honors bestowed upon him. You shouldn’t be shocked when the bully, a few weeks after you expose his diabolical plot against you, receives a huge bonus—just when you thought he was about to be fired.

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From: Fighting Workplace Bullies, Part 2: Preparing Yourself to Respond
See also: Why Workplace Bullies Thrive: The Bystander Effect


What is Bullying?

bullying2

Bullying2

You are mistaken if you believe that bullies only lurk in school hallways and on playgrounds… Mean kids grow up and become parents, co-workers, and bosses. They work in offices, businesses, for governments, in police departments, law offices, and charitable organizations.

Cowards


They are cowards who lack the ability to work out problems in a reasoned, adult manner.


They need a fan club of followers and admirers who support their evil deeds, “flying monkeys” to persecute their targets, and/or technology to hide behind.


mistakeThe adult bully’s personality pathology is characterized by a lack of empathy, craving for power, manipulativeness, and deceptiveness. Bullies feel entitled to use others as they wish and they derive sadistic pleasure from the harm they cause.


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The Exploitable Epitome of Human Goodness

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Common Types of Manipulation

Dr George Simon [blog], author of several best-selling books on psychopathy, has given descriptive labels to three manipulative tactics that all victims of narcissistic/psychopathic abuse are sure to recognize. The terminology offered by Dr Simon makes it easier to make sense of behaviors that otherwise may seem confusing or even cause self-doubt, and to discuss them. When you see manipulative behavior, it will probably reflect one or more of these tactics.

Manipulation

See more blog posts relating to Dr. George Simon:


Millions of Social Predators

Robert Hare

Professor Robert Hare, the world’s foremost expert in the field, estimates that there are at least two million psychopaths in North America.

PatternRuleBc300

“Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate, and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and in feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret.”

PatternRuleBc300

Almost a Psychopath

See also: Almost A Psychopath


Most are fooled.

Psychopaths don’t just tell “white lies.” They tell harmful lies to hurt others and to disguise their malicious actions and evil identities. Deprived of his mask of sanity, a psychopath lacks the means by which he can fool and use others.


Do you know someone who has a poor sense of smell?


Psychopaths have a remarkably poor sense of smell, according to a study published in 2012.


Researchers in Australia tested a theory that psychopathy may be linked to impaired smell ability. Both phenomena have been independently traced to dysfunction in part of the brain called the orbito-frontal complex (OFC).

Mehmet Mahmut and Richard Stevenson of the Department of Psychology at Sydney’s Macquarie University trialled the olfactory skills of 79 individuals, aged 19 to 21, who had been diagnosed as non-criminal psychopaths. Using “Sniffin’ Sticks” – 16 pens that contain different scents, such as orange, coffee, and leather – they found the participants had problems in correctly identifying the smell, and then discriminating it against a different odor. Those who scored highest on a standard scorecard of psychopathic traits did worst on both counts. The finding could be useful for identifying psychopaths, who are famously manipulative in the face of questioning, says the paper. “Olfactory measures represent a potentially interesting marker for psychopathic traits, because performance expectancies are unclear in odor tests and may therefore be less susceptible to attempts to fake ‘good’ or ‘bad’ responses.”

The OFC is a front part of the brain responsible for controlling impulses, planning and behaving in line with social norms. It also appears to be important in processing olfactory signals, although the precise function is unclear. The study makes clear that a poor sense of smell does not by itself mean that someone is a psychopath. Olfactory dysfunction can also occur in schizophrenia, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer’s disease.

Read article.

You are a tool.

narcsoc

hammerAnna Valerious:

To really get a sense for how the narcissist perceives you, you will need to picture a tool. Let’s say a hammer. The hammer has no will of its own. The hammer’s value is in how it serves you. When you pick up the hammer it is like an extension of your hand. We are able to use it without regard for how it must feel when we whack a nail with it. Of course, because it has no feelings. We don’t have to think about the hammer, we simply use it to our own ends and then set it down and walk away when it has performed the function we wanted it for.

You are that hammer to the narcissist. All of us are merely tools made for their use. Extensions of themselves. We are like a table or chair or bookcase or toilet paper.

The narcissist will become enraged if such inanimate tools decide to sprout a mind of their own and not perform and conform perfectly to their will. It is perceived as an attack! The default setting in the mind of the narcissist toward the rest of humanity is that we are not worth anything except as they imbue value in us. Then we are worth something, but only as much as the narcissist decides. We can be completely devalued in a moment and thrown out with the rest of the garbage.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com


Flying Monkeys

The sociopath is a high level con who manages to dupe people so thoroughly that his/her fans will persecute, silence, and ostracize a victim who complains about mistreatment. These people are in denial and they will reject information that doesn’t correspond to their highly favorable perception of the sociopath. The victim’s accounts of abuse will upset them, and may anger them. By defending an influential sociopath and abusing his/her target by proxy, the followers prove their loyalty and hope to win favor while getting closer to the influential sociopath they are instinctively attracted to.

See also:
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Denial and DARVO
Cognitive Dissonance

Gail Meyers writes:Flying-Monkey1

A narcissistic personality disordered mother has flying monkeys. This is a term taken from The Wizard of Oz, where the flying monkeys do the bidding of the Wicked Witch.  The flying monkeys may be your neighbor, church members, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandmother, grandfather, nieces, nephews, etc. These people do the narcissist’s dirty work and often pour their own abuse on the scapegoat.

cautionflyingmonkeysI spent years of my life trying to show various flying monkeys the truth. It virtually never worked, not once in the twenty or so years I kept trying to “clear the air” or to finally be understood. They do not understand because they do not want to understand. Many are willfully ignorant and blind to the situation.  There is not some magical phrase and method you have not yet discovered that is suddenly going to cause these people to stand up for the truth.flying-monkeys-sign

What I have realized is the flying monkeys generally have their own reasons for behaving the way they do. Some may truly do it out of ignorance, truly fooled for years by the narcissist. However, it is my experience that most flying monkeys have weak characters.

Continue reading…


Once a flying monkey, always a flying monkey…

Human:

FlyingMonkey

“These are people that are clueless when it comes to recognizing the difference between something genuine and something totally fake and unworthy.”


Originally posted on Madeline Scribes:

dorothy red slippers

Dorothy: Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!

I was reading a status update on Facebook from my new friend Martha. She wrote that the “flying monkeys” at work were starting to be nicer to her, probably because the Narc was either losing her grip on them, or had moved on to another victim. They had been shyly asking for her help and gravitating towards her for some time and she was still avoiding them at all costs. She’s a smart lady. She knows, just like I know, that once you’re a flying monkey, you’re always going to be a flying monkey.

Flying monkeys never change.

Scarecrow: First they (the Flying Monkeys) took my legs off and they threw them over there! Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there!

Tin Woodsman: Well, that’s you all over!

Flying monkey is just another…

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Lack of Empathy

Sociopaths lack the capacity for empathy.

  • Sociopaths have a profound lack of empathy for the feelings of others. They lack the internal feedback system by which normal people monitor themselves. (Most people call this “conscience,” which is probably as useful a term as any.) Sociopaths do not have this and don’t feel bad about abusing other people. It’s not that they feel bad and ignore it—they don’t feel it at all.
    true-empathy
  • Sociopaths understand that they are different from normal people and learn to mimic normal behavior. This mimicry has a purpose: It gets the sociopath what he or she wants.
    FakeFeelings
  • The sociopath hides his or her difference. After letting it show a time or two—and probably being punished by a parent as a result—the sociopath covers up the truth and keeps it covered. But the reason for hiding it is not embarrassment (the sociopath doesn’t feel embarrassment), but because it hinders him from getting what he want.
  • Since sociopaths have no empathy for others, making use of normal people feels just fine to them. Likewise, they feel no remorse.
    insincerity
  • Empathy, as viewed by the sociopath, is a weakness, and he considers himself superior because he isn’t burdened by it.
  • Because they lack an internal feedback system, sociopaths are excellent liars. For example, they can often pass lie detector tests, since those tests register the effects of our internal feedback system, which they don’t have.
    PsychoLiars
  • A sociopath is likely to maintain a group of people who believe wholeheartedly that he is a good, kind, honest person. He’ll work in calculated ways to create and maintain that opinion in them.
    fooled

From They Walk Among Us by Paul Rosenberg


 

What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding

Human:

Why doesn’t she just leave? Here’s why.

Originally posted on Avalanche of the soul:

Do you think you can’t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a carefully crafted trauma bond – but you don’t need to be Houdini to escape.

Photo by Clearly Ambiguous Photo by Clearly Ambiguous

Traumatic bonding is a hit with abusers, because it helps him to maintain much-needed control. It helps him keep you where he wants you: tethered to him and his soul-destroying behaviour. But, the bond isn’t as iron-clad as he imagines. Here’s FIVE things he hopes you don’t know about traumatic-bonding, and how to shake off the shackles.

1. What is trauma bonding?

Traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment to your abuser. It happens when you feel emotionally and physically dependent upon a dominant partner – who dishes out abuse and rewards…

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The “Virtuous” Sociopath

sociopathappearance


See also:


The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule 2


Validating a Grandiose Self-Image

narcissistic_rageSee also:
Narcissistic Rage
The Irascibility Charge
Anger and Rage


Is he a sociopath? — 20 signs

Deception You may be wondering if he’s a sociopath.
Here is a list of 20 signs to help…


‘Common Knowledge’: the Sociopath’s Method of Recruiting and Arming Minions.

Originally posted on Don't Be A Minion:

‘Common knowledge’ is information known by everyone or nearly everyone. It is never attributed to any one individual or group. It’s legitimacy lies in the universal acceptance of all who know it. ‘Common knowledge’ is composed of a set of facts that lurk at the edge of our awareness. Never truly scrutinized, ‘Common Knowledge’ is unconsciously used as a back drop upon which our understanding of the world around us is built. When information is received that is inconsistent with the already established cognitive foundation, an individual will experience an unpleasant emotional state called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the condition where people feel mental stress when holding contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values in their minds at the same time. This also happens when someone is confronted with new information that conflicts with their existing beliefs. From what I’ve seen, people will reject the new information and stay with the…

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Retaliation

Retaliation2

When deprived of narcissistic supply, narcissists experience symptoms similar to the withdrawal symptoms of a drug addict; becoming delusional, agitated, helpless, and emotionally unhinged. They disintegrate and crumble, and may even experience a psychotic episode. They engage in “magical thinking;” believing that they are omniscient, omnipotent, and that they cannot fail. This makes them fearless and relentless in their pursuit of revenge.


See also:
Vindictiveness
Narcissistic Supply (Wikipedia))
Narcissistic Supply (The Narcissistic Life)
Narcissistic Supply (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply (Sam Vaknin)


The Sensible Knave


The Sensible Knave mini book

Would you recognize a psychopath…

 

…or a sensible knave if you saw one?


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David Hume

The Scottish philosopher David Hume, three centuries ago, identified a character type that would pose a mortal danger to his otherwise optimistic view of human nature. (Yours, too?) This character he called a sensible knave. Hume sketches him thus:
“That honesty is the best policy, may be a good general rule; but is liable to many exceptions: And he, it may, perhaps, be thought, conducts himself with most wisdom, who observes the general rule, and takes advantage of all the exceptions.”


SensibleKnaveSample

In this brief, accessible essay, contemporary philosopher Bianco Luno reminds us that Hume’s knave, aka psychopath, still haunts our world. The handcrafted mini book is 21 pages and approximately 3.1 x 3.6 inches.

The Sensible Knave
Published by Chreia Press


The Silent Treatment

silenttreatmentstonewalling

Silent treatment

See also:
When the Sociopath Stonewalls You
Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment
Sociopathic Stonewalling
What is Stonewalling?
A Sociopathic Favorite


A Typical Smear Tactic

LindaMartinez

blameSee also:
The Smear Campaign—Trademark of the Sociopath
Sociopaths always attack the messenger
Smear Campaign Tactics
Slander Tactics


A Polished Persona

perfectperson


Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse

Why is it so easy for an abuser to get away with it and so difficult for an abuse victim to be heard?

The typical serial bully is a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde personality type (male or female) who has put considerable effort into establishing and maintaining a respectable and credible public persona. Bystanders may believe they know him well, that he is a genuinely righteous person, and that he couldn’t possibly be capable of the malicious behavior he is accused of. Unable (and probably unwilling) to imagine that they have been deceived, their logical conclusion is that the accuser is the antagonist, acting out inexplicable malevolence. With derogatory implications about his target’s mental state, lack of character, or foul motives, the abuser fuels this role reversal. Feigning moral indignation and playing the part of the victim, he encourages supporters to see the real victim, who is attempting to be heard, as the abusive one. 

Narcissism

Dr. Vaknin explains: “Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”

“Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties, it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey’s acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem.”

Dr. Sam Vaknin, Narcissism by Proxy

Narcissism

Three cognitive strategies have been identified for when people deny, discount, or dismiss occurrences of abuse and for turning away from effective steps to stop it and hold abusers accountable:

1

Reflexively dismissing all evidence as questionable, incomplete, misleading, false, or in some other way inadequate.

2

Using euphemism, abstraction, and other linguistic transformations to hide the abuse.

3

Turning away: ‘I’m not involved,’ ‘There is nothing I can do about it,’ ‘I have no authority, jurisdiction, power, or influence,’ ‘This is no concern of mine,’ etc.

See also:
Adult Bullies
Bullied to Death
Abusers operate on the sly.
DARVO: Deny Attack Reverse Victim/Offender
Why is it so hard to hold abusive people accountable for their actions?

Elie Wiesel Quote Art


Unashamed Voices:

Unashamed
True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud: Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst

Publication Date: December 31, 2014

Not everyone moves from a place of care and respect for themselves and others, because not everyone has (1) a conscience; (2) the ability to feel remorse; and (3) the ability to tap into affective empathy–the type of empathy that allows one to see and feel a situation from another’s perspective. People lacking these qualities are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. They exist everywhere in society, including our homes where their toxic and parasitic lifestyles are destroying families, children and communities every single day.

This collection of 33 true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships sets out to expose the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Read more…


See also Victims of Psychopaths: True Stories

Bullies love the holidays

Originally posted on Madeline Scribes:

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How many of us out here have always dreaded the holidays simply because we have family members that are overbearing and aggressive bullies? Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. The worst part of it all is that bullies really look forward to the holidays because this is their chance to sink their claws into family members they love to beat up on. Whether it’s just a rude and obnoxious relative, or a tyrannical whiner that ruins the day with their constant demands to be the center of attention, bullies can make every family gathering a real pain in the ass, but holidays are an especially large stage to carry out their theatrics.

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Meryl’s Commitment to Herself

Originally posted on Madeline Scribes:

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Dr. George Simon explains how manipulation tactics work.

 

Notice that Dr. Simon has given descriptive names to common types of manipulation: offensive power tactics, responsibility avoidance behaviors, and tactics of impression management.


We are not all the same.

According to Bullock, Hitler was an opportunis...

Psychopath?

All too easily, we assume that everyone else is honest, intelligent, and trying to do the right thing, just like us. Similarly, a psychopath thinks that everyone else is evil like himself. When a psychopath sees an honest and intelligent person asking questions or giving reasonable explanations, he believes it is an evil manipulation trick.

The Age of the Psychopath
(secondarywounding.wordpress.com)


Dealing with Manipulative People

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

“A manipulative person … is a covertly aggressive personality.”

“You ask a manipulator a direct question, you rarely get a direct answer.”

See more on Dr. George Simon and related blog posts:


The Sociopath’s Game

This video tells the story of a high-profile sociopath in a respectable position of influence and is based on actual events. They usually get away with it. This one did, too, until something remarkable happened…


Psychopathic Tactic: Diversion

Psychopathic Tactic: Diversion

Diversion


Projection and Scapegoating

Scapegoating

The Pathological Liar

liars pathological

People may lie to get what they want or to evade responsibility, but lying is also a method of manufacturing and upholding a sense of superiority.


See also: The Skilled Liar, Liars, 14 Psychopathic Tactics, The Smear Campaign—Trademark of a Sociopath


A Sociopathic Favorite

Provocation Followed by Stonewalling

See also:

When the sociopath stonewalls you
What is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment
Sociopathic Stonewalling