Between Truth and Lies:

The Netherworld of Self-Blame

New post on psychopathsandlove.com
by Admin
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You saddled me with a lie I never deserved. I won’t forgive you for it… You led me to believe I was responsible.”

~ The Prize, Irving Wallace

Most people experience self-blame after involvement with a psychopath, for good reason. These master manipulators are skilled at creating extreme confusion and self-doubt, which are powerful ways to disguise lies and camouflage truth. This doubt and confusion doesn’t spontaneously resolve after the manipulation ends — it is ongoing, and lasts until we can finally see the truth of what happened.

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“Psychopathy is our number one public health risk.”

Published on Apr 28, 2014

Sandra L. Brown, M.A., is the founder of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education. She is a former psychotherapist, community educator on pathological love relationships, clinical lecturer and trainer, TV and radio guest, and an author. Her books include the highly popular How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved, the award winning Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, as well as the clinically relevant Counseling Victims of Violence: A Handbook for Helping Professionals. 

Sandra is recognized for her pioneering work in women’s issues related to relational harm from dangerous and pathological partners. She specializes in the development of Pathological Love Relationship training for other professionals and the development of survivor-based support services. 


The Most Powerful Motivator on the Planet ~ Intermittent Reinforcement

New post on psychopathsandlove.com

Intermittent Reinforcementby Admin

There is nothing like the elation and bliss of new love. Especially when you believed you had found ‘the one’ — that took it to another level. You may have felt you never really knew what love was before. You were probably infused with incredible joy and happiness. You finally found what you were searching for, and it was even better than you imagined.

And then one day something unexpected happened. You got a queasy feeling that you couldn’t shake. You sensed deep in your gut that he or she was pulling away. Your heart sank and your stomach clenched with fear.

In the process of a psychopathic relationship, the moment when the joy at finding love turns into the fear of losing it is called the ‘manipulative shift.’ When that happens, the psychopath takes control. This is when the devaluation stage begins.

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Evil Conceals Itself

Virtuous Evil

Mobilizing a Mob

Hello, my name actually is James, no guessing required. I’m a twentysomething psychopath from the smallish island of Great Britain…

woodwork2b We had a few poor teachers, everyone does I think. There was one who was particularly bad, not at his subject I might add; he was very good at woodwork. You have to be good at a technical subject like that to get a job teaching it. No, his problem was classroom management; he was hopeless. If he told you to do something, you just wouldn’t do it. His classes were always chaotic and dangerous (we had saws and big electronic tools at our disposal). I was – am – the opposite of him: good at managing people, bad at woodwork. I was failing my project and had injured a few people in the process due to my general carelessness around the drills and soldering irons.

This hack of a teacher could see how bad I was and I knew he was going to fail me the year, but he had a weakness. Everyone does, you see, but his was a fun one. On top of this general incompetence, he had a nasty temper. When he didn’t get his way in controlling the class he would blow a fuse and have a kind of tantrum. He’d shout a lot, go very red and generally look quite ridiculous. And his body language promised the potential for violence, he just hadn’t yet been pushed enough.

woodwork1To get rid of him, all I needed to do was to rile him up a bit more. Or rather get the idiots in my class to do it for me.

Read more…


Empaths are Targets

Empath Targets


Empathic people are natural targets
Often empaths are targeted by sociopaths because they pose the greatest threat. The empath is usually the first to detect that something is not right and express what s/he senses. As a consequence…


The Dance – Sociopath and Empath
They LOVE to watch their empath target squirm. They LOVE to watch as they manipulate everyone around them into believing it’s all the fault of the empath. They LOVE the feeling of absolute CONTROL…


Narcissists and Empaths: The Ego Dynamic | Let Me Reach
One popular theory is that Narcissists prey on Empaths and Sensitives because of their overly giving nature. While that is primarily true, there is another reason that goes even deeper, and it has to do with ego…


The Transitional Target | Narcissist, Sociopath, and Psychopath…
Targets often experience cognitive dissonance, trying to project their own reasoning onto an unreasonable person. But their behavior is neither accidental nor unintentional…


Dark Souls—Better the Devil | Empaths | Abused Empaths
There is no question when it comes to attracting Dark Souls, in particular sociopaths and psychopaths, that they can target and con anyone. However, it’s very difficult for anyone to understand that the psychopathic personality goes out with the sole purpose of intentionally victimizing anyone they come into contact with…

SociopathTargets


The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad

In The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table, the authors describe an incident or exchange involving a sociopath as a sociopathic transaction. Here’s the typical arrangement:

  • Sociopath — the one with the personality disorder.
  • Empath — an individual who is highly perceptive, insightful and sensitive to another’s emotions.
  • Apath — someone who is apathetic and likely to do the sociopath’s bidding.

This threesome is required for a sociopathic transaction to be effective and it usually unfolds something like this: On seeing the sociopath say or do something underhanded, the empath is forced to make a stand. The empath challenges the sociopath, who throws others off the scent by shifting the blame to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath’s perspective. Ultimately, the situation usually ends badly for the empath, and sometimes also for the apath (if his conscience comes back to haunt him or subsequently he becomes an object of abuse himself). The sociopath often gets off scot-free and can continue to abuse with impunity.
Squiggle5j

Charm Offensive or Offensive Charm?

20 Jun 2014

Manipulators and other significantly disturbed characters can be quite deceiving in their self-presentation. They can come across as amiable and charming. They can even appear to appreciate and value you. And when they mount their charm offensives, they can knock you off your feet and bowl you over. Only after they’ve gotten what they wanted are you likely to start seeing more of their true colors. But not all folks who mount charm offensives are offensive, reprehensible characters. And not all of the things that make a person attractive to us need be regarded with skepticism. As mentioned in the prior article in this series (see: Manipulators and Charm), it’s often difficult, however, to distinguish between a benignly charming person and a charmer harboring a nefarious hidden agenda. But there are some things to pay close attention to that can help you tell the difference, and that’s the focus of this week’s post.  Continue reading…

CoilDivider2d charm

The Apath

The Empathy Trap:
Understanding
Antisocial Personalities


by Dr Jane McGregor
and Tim McGregor

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Excerpt: Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath’s arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse. Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others—just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.

How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. They might be jealous of or angry at the target, and thus have something to gain from the evolving situation.

At other times, the apath might not want to see the ‘bad’ in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath’s conscience appears to fall asleep.

Read more…

IMG_8952

See also:
Flying Monkeys
Sociopaths Recruit Minions
Once a flying monkey, always a flying monkey…
‘Common Knowledge’:
The Sociopath’s Method of Recruiting and Arming Minions.


A Sociopathic Blogger

Screenshot 2015-03-14 08.53.14

Deceit and manipulation are tools with which I am proficient. These tools are, in fact, part of my primary programming. My brain, for reasons I’d like to understand, has evolved in a manner distinct from other people and my personality is that of a predator. A psychological predator, by nature, engages in deceit and manipulation. It takes, I think, the same level of conscious energy for me to be totally honest that it takes for a normal person to lie. I do my best not to lie and I feel like I’m successful.

Mostly.    Read more…

17spikerule


Covert Psychological Murder

Inflicted Suicide As A Result of Abuse


It goes unrecognized but it exists. It exists on an extremely covert level. It happens behind the scenes without anyone even being aware of what the problem is; the real problem. No evidence of it is left behind and no-one has ever been convicted of it, yet in reality, what I will label “covert psychological murder” is very real and remains dangerous and unrecognized—virtually undiscovered.

Read the article…

Psychopathy: Antisocial, Criminal, and Violent Behavior

By the author:
Psychopathy: Antisocial, Criminal, and Violent Behavior

eBook available at Lulu.com:
Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD

See also:
Letters From Those Abused and Afraid  disruptedphysician.com


Narcissist or Sociopath?

zigzagrule2

Which witch is which?

By  02/23/2015

Deciphering the Narcissist from the Sociopath is some tricky business because they are practically identical. The two biggies that set them apart are the disordereds’ motives and levels of self-awareness. In other words, you’d have to get the N/S to be open and forthcoming about the inner workings of his mind. As always, you can count out the Narc or Socio for assistance. Unless you crack their heads open like coconuts and unravel the twisted little rats nests that dwell within, that ain’t happening.  Continue reading this article…

zigzagrule2

Manipulators and Charm

tinydotscopper

Wolf

ExperienceDr. George Simon 13 Jun 2014 

Skilled manipulators can be quite seductive and charming. Still, I confess readily in my book In Sheep’s Clothing that when I first began my clinical research, I wondered how the victims of covert-aggressors could be so blind to their manipulator’s true character without having a lot of issues of their own.  Only after I got much deeper into the study of covert aggressors did it become clear to me not only how adept they can often be at using various tactics but also how powerful the tactics themselves inherently are.

Read the article…

perfectperson

tinydotscopper

Tell your story!

Your experience is the key to
someone else’s prison. Share it!Patty-Rase-Hopson-life-abuse-silence-change-inspiration-Meetville-Quotes-17326

mystory yourstory survivor


Manipulative Control of Information

Tyranny

Manipulators attempt to control information as part of their effort to demonize their targets while making themselves appear righteous.


Deceit and Manipulation

Dr Robert Hare


Fighting the Workplace Bully

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Expect to be on your own in your fight with a workplace bully, with no support from within the company. Co-workers are more likely to distance themselves from your problems, hoping to preserve their own positions and opportunities.
PatternBarHa700Don’t be too surprised by the ruthlessness of a workplace bully’s actions or the rewards and honors bestowed upon him. You shouldn’t be shocked when the bully, a few weeks after you expose his diabolical plot against you, receives a huge bonus—just when you thought he was about to be fired.

xxx

From: Fighting Workplace Bullies, Part 2: Preparing Yourself to Respond
See also: Why Workplace Bullies Thrive: The Bystander Effect


What is Bullying?

bullying2

Bullying2

You are mistaken if you believe that bullies only lurk in school hallways and on playgrounds… Mean kids grow up and become parents, co-workers, and bosses. They work in offices, businesses, for governments, in police departments, law offices, and charitable organizations.

Cowards


They are cowards who lack the ability to work out problems in a reasoned, adult manner.


They need a fan club of followers and admirers who support their evil deeds, “flying monkeys” to persecute their targets, and/or technology to hide behind.


mistakeThe adult bully’s personality pathology is characterized by a lack of empathy, craving for power, manipulativeness, and deceptiveness. Bullies feel entitled to use others as they wish and they derive sadistic pleasure from the harm they cause.


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The Exploitable Epitome of Human Goodness

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Common Types of Manipulation

Dr George Simon [blog], author of several best-selling books on psychopathy, has given descriptive labels to three manipulative tactics that all victims of narcissistic/psychopathic abuse are sure to recognize. The terminology offered by Dr Simon makes it easier to make sense of behaviors that otherwise may seem confusing or even cause self-doubt, and to discuss them. When you see manipulative behavior, it will probably reflect one or more of these tactics.

Manipulation

See more blog posts relating to Dr. George Simon:


Millions of Social Predators

Robert Hare

Professor Robert Hare, the world’s foremost expert in the field, estimates that there are at least two million psychopaths in North America.

PatternRuleBc300

“Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate, and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and in feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret.”

PatternRuleBc300

Almost a Psychopath

See also: Almost A Psychopath


Most are fooled.

Psychopaths don’t just tell “white lies.” They tell harmful lies to hurt others and to disguise their malicious actions and evil identities. Deprived of his mask of sanity, a psychopath lacks the means by which he can fool and use others.


Do you know someone who has a poor sense of smell?


Psychopaths have a remarkably poor sense of smell, according to a study published in 2012.


Researchers in Australia tested a theory that psychopathy may be linked to impaired smell ability. Both phenomena have been independently traced to dysfunction in part of the brain called the orbito-frontal complex (OFC).

Mehmet Mahmut and Richard Stevenson of the Department of Psychology at Sydney’s Macquarie University trialled the olfactory skills of 79 individuals, aged 19 to 21, who had been diagnosed as non-criminal psychopaths. Using “Sniffin’ Sticks” – 16 pens that contain different scents, such as orange, coffee, and leather – they found the participants had problems in correctly identifying the smell, and then discriminating it against a different odor. Those who scored highest on a standard scorecard of psychopathic traits did worst on both counts. The finding could be useful for identifying psychopaths, who are famously manipulative in the face of questioning, says the paper. “Olfactory measures represent a potentially interesting marker for psychopathic traits, because performance expectancies are unclear in odor tests and may therefore be less susceptible to attempts to fake ‘good’ or ‘bad’ responses.”

The OFC is a front part of the brain responsible for controlling impulses, planning and behaving in line with social norms. It also appears to be important in processing olfactory signals, although the precise function is unclear. The study makes clear that a poor sense of smell does not by itself mean that someone is a psychopath. Olfactory dysfunction can also occur in schizophrenia, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer’s disease.

Read article.

You are a tool.

narcsoc

hammerAnna Valerious:

To really get a sense for how the narcissist perceives you, you will need to picture a tool. Let’s say a hammer. The hammer has no will of its own. The hammer’s value is in how it serves you. When you pick up the hammer it is like an extension of your hand. We are able to use it without regard for how it must feel when we whack a nail with it. Of course, because it has no feelings. We don’t have to think about the hammer, we simply use it to our own ends and then set it down and walk away when it has performed the function we wanted it for.

You are that hammer to the narcissist. All of us are merely tools made for their use. Extensions of themselves. We are like a table or chair or bookcase or toilet paper.

The narcissist will become enraged if such inanimate tools decide to sprout a mind of their own and not perform and conform perfectly to their will. It is perceived as an attack! The default setting in the mind of the narcissist toward the rest of humanity is that we are not worth anything except as they imbue value in us. Then we are worth something, but only as much as the narcissist decides. We can be completely devalued in a moment and thrown out with the rest of the garbage.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com


Flying Monkeys

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The sociopath is a high level con who manages to dupe people so thoroughly that his/her fans will persecute, silence, and ostracize a victim who complains about mistreatment. These people are in denial and they will reject information that doesn’t correspond to their highly favorable perception of the sociopath. The victim’s accounts of abuse will upset them, and may anger them. By defending an influential sociopath and abusing his/her target by proxy, the followers prove their loyalty and hope to win favor while getting closer to the influential sociopath they are instinctively attracted to.

See also:
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Denial and DARVO

Cognitive Dissonance

Gail Meyers writes:

A narcissistic personality disordered mother has flying monkeys. This is a term taken from The Wizard of Oz, where the flying monkeys do the bidding of the Wicked Witch.  The flying monkeys may be your neighbor, church members, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandmother, grandfather, nieces, nephews, etc. These people do the narcissist’s dirty work and often pour their own abuse on the scapegoat.

cautionflyingmonkeysI spent years of my life trying to show various flying monkeys the truth. It virtually never worked, not once in the twenty or so years I kept trying to “clear the air” or to finally be understood. They do not understand because they do not want to understand. Many are willfully ignorant and blind to the situation.  There is not some magical phrase and method you have not yet discovered that is suddenly going to cause these people to stand up for the truth.flying-monkeys-sign

What I have realized is the flying monkeys generally have their own reasons for behaving the way they do. Some may truly do it out of ignorance, truly fooled for years by the narcissist. However, it is my experience that most flying monkeys have weak characters.

Continue reading…


Once a flying monkey, always a flying monkey…

Human:

FlyingMonkey

“These are people that are clueless when it comes to recognizing the difference between something genuine and something totally fake and unworthy.”


Originally posted on Madeline Scribes:

dorothy red slippers

Dorothy: Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!

I was reading a status update on Facebook from my new friend Martha. She wrote that the “flying monkeys” at work were starting to be nicer to her, probably because the Narc was either losing her grip on them, or had moved on to another victim. They had been shyly asking for her help and gravitating towards her for some time and she was still avoiding them at all costs. She’s a smart lady. She knows, just like I know, that once you’re a flying monkey, you’re always going to be a flying monkey.

Flying monkeys never change.

Scarecrow: First they (the Flying Monkeys) took my legs off and they threw them over there! Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there!

Tin Woodsman: Well, that’s you all over!

Flying monkey is just another…

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Lack of Empathy

Sociopaths lack the capacity for empathy.

  • Sociopaths have a profound lack of empathy for the feelings of others. They lack the internal feedback system by which normal people monitor themselves. (Most people call this “conscience,” which is probably as useful a term as any.) Sociopaths do not have this and don’t feel bad about abusing other people. It’s not that they feel bad and ignore it—they don’t feel it at all.
    true-empathy
  • Sociopaths understand that they are different from normal people and learn to mimic normal behavior. This mimicry has a purpose: It gets the sociopath what he or she wants.
    FakeFeelings
  • The sociopath hides his or her difference. After letting it show a time or two—and probably being punished by a parent as a result—the sociopath covers up the truth and keeps it covered. But the reason for hiding it is not embarrassment (the sociopath doesn’t feel embarrassment), but because it hinders him from getting what he want.
  • Since sociopaths have no empathy for others, making use of normal people feels just fine to them. Likewise, they feel no remorse.
    insincerity
  • Empathy, as viewed by the sociopath, is a weakness, and he considers himself superior because he isn’t burdened by it.
  • Because they lack an internal feedback system, sociopaths are excellent liars. For example, they can often pass lie detector tests, since those tests register the effects of our internal feedback system, which they don’t have.
    PsychoLiars
  • A sociopath is likely to maintain a group of people who believe wholeheartedly that he is a good, kind, honest person. He’ll work in calculated ways to create and maintain that opinion in them.
    fooled

From They Walk Among Us by Paul Rosenberg


 

What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding

Human:

Why doesn’t she just leave? Here’s why.

Originally posted on Avalanche of the soul:

Do you think you can’t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a carefully crafted trauma bond – but you don’t need to be Houdini to escape.

Photo by Clearly Ambiguous Photo by Clearly Ambiguous

Traumatic bonding is a hit with abusers, because it helps him to maintain much-needed control. It helps him keep you where he wants you: tethered to him and his soul-destroying behaviour. But, the bond isn’t as iron-clad as he imagines. Here’s FIVE things he hopes you don’t know about traumatic-bonding, and how to shake off the shackles.

1. What is trauma bonding?

Traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment to your abuser. It happens when you feel emotionally and physically dependent upon a dominant partner – who dishes out abuse and rewards…

View original 875 more words

The “Virtuous” Sociopath

sociopathappearance


See also:


The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule 2


Validating a Grandiose Self-Image

narcissistic_rageSee also:
Narcissistic Rage
The Irascibility Charge
Anger and Rage


Is he a sociopath? — 20 signs

Deception You may be wondering if he’s a sociopath.
Here is a list of 20 signs to help…


‘Common Knowledge’: the Sociopath’s Method of Recruiting and Arming Minions.

Originally posted on Don't Be A Minion:

‘Common knowledge’ is information known by everyone or nearly everyone. It is never attributed to any one individual or group. It’s legitimacy lies in the universal acceptance of all who know it. ‘Common knowledge’ is composed of a set of facts that lurk at the edge of our awareness. Never truly scrutinized, ‘Common Knowledge’ is unconsciously used as a back drop upon which our understanding of the world around us is built. When information is received that is inconsistent with the already established cognitive foundation, an individual will experience an unpleasant emotional state called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the condition where people feel mental stress when holding contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values in their minds at the same time. This also happens when someone is confronted with new information that conflicts with their existing beliefs. From what I’ve seen, people will reject the new information and stay with the…

View original 281 more words

Retaliation

Retaliation2

When deprived of narcissistic supply, narcissists experience symptoms similar to the withdrawal symptoms of a drug addict; becoming delusional, agitated, helpless, and emotionally unhinged. They disintegrate and crumble, and may even experience a psychotic episode. They engage in “magical thinking;” believing that they are omniscient, omnipotent, and that they cannot fail. This makes them fearless and relentless in their pursuit of revenge.


See also:
Vindictiveness
Narcissistic Supply (Wikipedia))
Narcissistic Supply (The Narcissistic Life)
Narcissistic Supply (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply (Sam Vaknin)


The Sensible Knave


The Sensible Knave mini book

Would you recognize a psychopath…

 

…or a sensible knave if you saw one?


Screenshot 2014-12-06 16.30.49

David Hume

The Scottish philosopher David Hume, three centuries ago, identified a character type that would pose a mortal danger to his otherwise optimistic view of human nature. (Yours, too?) This character he called a sensible knave. Hume sketches him thus:
“That honesty is the best policy, may be a good general rule; but is liable to many exceptions: And he, it may, perhaps, be thought, conducts himself with most wisdom, who observes the general rule, and takes advantage of all the exceptions.”


SensibleKnaveSample

In this brief, accessible essay, contemporary philosopher Bianco Luno reminds us that Hume’s knave, aka psychopath, still haunts our world. The handcrafted mini book is 21 pages and approximately 3.1 x 3.6 inches.

The Sensible Knave
Published by Chreia Press