Abusers operate on the sly.


They’ve spent decades acquiring and refining a skill set they most likely first learned on the playground. Studies have shown that childhood bullies often grow up to become adult bullies.

Playground Bully

These “adults” have developed ingenious ways to cover their tracks while making their targets look bad. Methods of tormenting are also more sophisticated. The direct in-your-face approach won’t work in a professional or social setting, so they indulge in underhanded maneuvers and hit-and-run assaults.

Adult bullying is particularly insidious. It is often only the targeted individual who knows it is happening. If he tells someone else about it, he is apt to be met with disbelief and possibly also labeled as the troublemaker. The sociopath has planned the whole scheme and has it well rigged with virtual trip wires. The target’s reaction to the abuse becomes additional ammunition for the abuser, who uses it to manipulate bystanders to side with him and to inflict more harm and distress onto his target. 


bullyjustification2
See also:
Adult Bullies
Social Aggression
Exposing the Bully
Bystanders and Bullying
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Bullies Get a Kick out of Seeing Others in Pain


notobullying


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3 thoughts on “Abusers operate on the sly.

  1. Does it help to have a sense of humor about being bullied? Many great comedians, including Woody Allen, have relied on their humor at the suffering they received from others.
    Ok. Here is my attempt: I was sexually abused by both parents. My father went for my tits and my mother went for my crotch. I was fully clothed both times but it was still sexual abuse.
    I wonder…did they plan this on the sly? “You go for her tits and I will sneak up on her and grab her crotch.” Just wanted to cover both bases?
    Did they get some kind of perverse thrill out of it?
    OH…and the time Mom and my so-called ‘best friend’ commiserated with each other over my ‘mental midget status’. My ‘friend’ consoled my mother by saying, “Look at it this way…even the Kennedy family had a mentally retarded daughter.” Oh…THAT daughter. The one who was born to Rose, and despite Rose’s objections her husband mandated that their daughter be lobotomized (and the girl remained with a 3-year-old mentality for the rest of her life)? That girl?
    Now…did my so-called friend (real translation: worst nightmare) and my ever-so-innocent/evil mother plan it ahead of time, or was it just ‘something to do on a lazy summer day…’
    NOW HEAR THIS MOTHER…EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE DEAD YOU WERE SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS TO EVER/EVER/EVER TOUCH ME INAPPROPRIATELY, AND SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS TO SUPPORT AN EVIL FRIEND’S AGENDA TO BELITTLE MY MENTAL CAPACITY IN ANY WAY…
    F______both of you. You were the mental midgets. You completely lacked character, courage (ever notice how cowardly sociopaths really are?), and empathy of any kind. You S______K THE BIG ONE

    Like

    • Maybe a sense of humor can help us distance ourselves from the traumas we experienced? It could also be a means to elicit sympathetic responses from others, as long as they laugh with you and not at you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have calmed down a bit…did not mean to lash out so vitriolically … especially at my Mom. Maybe God will forgive me and I have to learn to let this go….
    And move on to a life of my own. I think that is what is so painful. I needed my Mom to be my friend, not an enemy. And it hurts so much.
    She did appreciate my sense of humor though…I did make her laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

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