Rosa says: Isn’t it amazing how sociopaths can run around smearing people, telling insidious lies with impunity…THEN…when WE try to warn others (with the TRUTH) about possible danger of the socio, it’s “Kill the Messenger” time…and we are the “Messenger”. What’s up with that?
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What you are describing is the standard abuser protocol called DARVO, an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse roles of Victim and Offender. Your question and your righteous outrage are about psycho/sociopaths’ ability to harm others easily and repeatedly—with impunity—sometimes with devastating consequences for their victim. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the victim’s friends and family may withhold support or reject him/her at the worst of times because the abuser had the evil foresight to secure their sympathy and support, and at the same time, destroy the victim’s reputation and credibility.
Another reason why many of us are conned again and again is because we cannot fathom that a friendly, intelligent, respectable person to whom we may have extended exceptional kindness, trust, and generosity; would be capable of acting so atrociously. It is incomprehensible to most of us that there really are human beings who don’t have a conscience and we fail to see the patterns in our experiences that verify the ‘unpleasant’ facts that challenge or contradict our long held beliefs.
I am quite positive that my Sociopathic X has used my blog and book as tools to prove he is the victim and I am just a bitter ex-girlfriend. I’m sure of it. I believe he has directed his most recent girlfriends to read my blog to prove how crazy I am. I think he tells them about it and explains away every sordid “lie” as a figment of my bipolar, depressed mind. Like a the predictable narcissistic sociopath he is, he is 100% believed in the first idolization phase of his relationship, the phase where everything his current victim says, does, or reveals about her past, present, and future is “amazing and inspiring and unbelievable and makes him so proud to say she’s his girlfriend.” That phase doesn’t last long, thankfully, for this Sociopath. Soon, he begins to use his current gorlfriend’s secrets and values against her. He gaslights her, accuses her of not caring about him when she disagrees with something seemingly insignificant, demands that she stop doing things she’s always enjoyed doing because it takes away from his time (even though he calls it “our” time), and drives her to the edge of believing she’s going nuts. Fortunately, having almost dismissed my blog as the ramblings of a crazy bitch, she returns to my writings. That’s when the light bulb goes off, and she rethinks this sicko’s motives and jumps ship. 🙂
I learned that recently my P ex-BF was arrested for domestic assault with the OW. Because her name (which I hadn’t known before, nor where they lived) was published in the police report, which I obtained, I decided to contact her via Facebook to tell her that it only gets worse and I gave her my # if she wanted to call. She texted me the next day saying that he was quitting drinking so everything would be fine (lol), I’m butting in, etc. He “quit drinking” plenty of times when we were together and was STILL abusive, cheating, lying, gaslighting, and all the rest.
Anyway, even though she’s obviously in the devalue stage (the police report states that they have been together 7 months [2 weeks after he and I broke up!], which I knew, and have lived together for 6 months [typical P love bombing], which I didn’t know, and the police have been called 3 times in that period, but no arrests the first two times!), she still ignored my advice because she got the charges dismissed and he’s now back living with her. In my response text I was able to tell her that he’s a sociopath and a sex addict, not just an alcoholic, so maybe in the future when it gets too much for her she’ll remember that term and google it, which is how I was finally able to save myself.
So now I’m hearing that his 17-year old daughter, who I was very close to during my 6 years with her father, is going around her school (which my daughter also attends) telling everyone I’m “crazy”. No doubt her father has poisoned me to everyone as a result of my trying to help the OW. Guess I won’t be doing that again.
He’s also been calling me periodically for the last 3 months wanting to come over for sex (ha ha), to which I’ve replied “no, absolutely not” every time. These calls were made during the day, while he was at work and obviously not drinking. I told her that as well, but I doubt she believed that either.
I cannot wait to share this with my mom! She has often asked not only why her family members would pawn their own bad behavior off on her, but also how they are able to do it so effectively. I am sure to become an avid reader of your site!
What was Mom’s response?
My mom said “it’s good to know that other people understand, and it helps me to keep my sanity, which the psychopath in my life has always tried to take.”
Thank you so much for helping to spread the word on this! It helps in so many ways!
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Fantastic, feminist victims pinkos professional fence one-sided guilt dramas… The future shines bright for this youth… Pardon my natural bitter sweet sarcasm, I might not see the bigger picture, but I will take a glance over those stories. However, if you had to deal with a truly violent sociopath you might contact some professional counsel. That includes a plague of supposedly grownup people growing halucynogenic mushrooms on Bibles and feeling compelled to share that on facebook…