The sociopath is a high level con who manages to dupe people so thoroughly that his/her fans will persecute, silence, and ostracize a victim who complains about mistreatment. These people are in denial and they will reject information that doesn’t correspond to their highly favorable perception of the sociopath. The victim’s accounts of abuse will upset them, and may anger them. By defending an influential sociopath and abusing his/her target by proxy, the followers prove their loyalty and hope to win favor while getting closer to the influential sociopath they are instinctively attracted to.
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Denial and DARVO
Gail Meyers writes:
A narcissistic personality disordered mother has flying monkeys. This is a term taken from The Wizard of Oz, where the flying monkeys do the bidding of the Wicked Witch. The flying monkeys may be your neighbor, church members, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandmother, grandfather, nieces, nephews, etc. These people do the narcissist’s dirty work and often pour their own abuse on the scapegoat.
I spent years of my life trying to show various flying monkeys the truth. It virtually never worked, not once in the twenty or so years I kept trying to “clear the air” or to finally be understood. They do not understand because they do not want to understand. Many are willfully ignorant and blind to the situation. There is not some magical phrase and method you have not yet discovered that is suddenly going to cause these people to stand up for the truth.
What I have realized is the flying monkeys generally have their own reasons for behaving the way they do. Some may truly do it out of ignorance, truly fooled for years by the narcissist. However, it is my experience that most flying monkeys have weak characters.
Great posting! I have come to this conclusion myself lately.
Boy do i know this tactic!! In my experience, first with the psychopath and his willing pawn (who is a malignant and malicious narcissist), and then with the friend of the narcissist i dated after the psych. I treat both, very differently. The first, the psychopath’s narcissistic flying monkey, i dont let my guard down… being fully aware of what she is and how dangerous she can be. She is one i am completely aware of her tactics and what makes her tick. I can hear her as the ticking bomb she is. I dont allow myself to get sucked into any conversation with her, and i dont say anything to her about anyone, be it good or bad. Most of all, i dont say Anything to her about myself, my family or friends. If i have to say anything to her, its very direct and “yes” or “no”. She is not my friend, nor do i treat her as such.
The friend of my ex narc is one with narcissistic traits, but i dont believe shes full-blown narc. She got angry with me and proceeded to help my ex by asking questions for him, to me…continuing the baiting. She thought she was doing a good thing. What she doesnt know is that he was harassing me for months. She helped him, unawares, in the end. I finally took it to his boss, so the harassment and badgering would end. Unfortunately, she was talked to as well. It had to be done. I am friendly, polite and cordial with her. Im not angry with her, though she is, with me. Its been over a year. I still recognize that with the flying monkeys, come abusive echoes that i dont want to stir up again.
Great post 🙂
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Reading the description of flying monkeys, many recognize parallels in their own lives and realize that the toxic behavior they have experienced is not unique but, in fact, commonplace. It is about time we bring this out into the open and talk about it!
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How many around us will believe the incomprehensible? Its hard for us, who have already lived through all aspects of the abuse, to accept or believe what we witnessed and experienced ourselves. Unfortunately i am afraid so many wont believe us, unless they go through it themselves. Sad…
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It definitely is a challenge, but the more stories there are out there, the more confident victims will feel about standing up to abuse and sharing their experiences. Let’s keep talking and we will change the world!
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Reblogged this on Marilyn Munrow and commented:
Wonderful powerful post. I love it.
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In my family, the main flying monkey was my cousin, because my family had broken up and I had to live with an aunt and uncle. The monkey’s personality was completely subsumed by her mother’s personality. The mother also controlled her weakling husband. Narcissists need to be surrounded by weaklings.
I was the scapegoat, and I left. My best guess is that her flying monkey, as the next oldest child, was next in line to catch hell. How ironic, and how just.
What does it matter to talk when nobody cares to help? I need a home, a place where I cant be found by my father and half of the population og flying monkeys that follow this “very genius academica and artist”. I need to be protected by the police, the state the system instead og them going along with killing me. It doesnt matter “cause I am nobody and just crazy” and in Denmark you can tape me to Death freely. In fact everybody can join in.
Sam Vaknin has written some good books on this subject.
Here is a natural born psychopath. Everyone seems afraid of him. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OVpQye9T8NoZ_Loqx685PeJ9N0Cs0-FmrEjqY__rNR4/edit?usp=sharing