Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NarcChecklistA narcissist has many of these traits.

perfectperson

Modern permissiveness and a culture of entitlement allow
disturbed people to reach adulthood without proper socialization.

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

It is believed that narcissism is an attitude which is present in every individual and is actually important to be confident individuals. However, when this feeling of self worth exceeds certain limits, where one cannot see anyone other than oneself, one is said to have narcissistic personality disorder. Anger is a natural reaction that comes to humans when exposed to a provocative situation. Such anger arises from a rational cause and dies down when one is able to express it.

Narcissistic rage is different from the anger that people usually feel. People who have narcissistic personality disorder need narcissistic supply which includes constant adulation, attention, compliments and subservience. They consider themselves to be perfectionists and want people to fear and respect them, whether they do or do not have any accomplishments of their own. As narcissistic people are dependent on other people to boost their self-esteem, any challenge, negative remark or disagreement from other people can be considered as criticism, rejection and mockery. They take it as a personal assault and lash out at the person who provoked them. This can cause physical as well as psychological harm to the other person. Read more on narcissistic behavior.

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Narcissistic Rage

Larry

Narcissists never admit responsibility and will always blame their targets.

The term narcissistic rage was introduced by Heinz Kohut in his book The Analysis of the Self: A Systematic Approach to the Psychoanalytic Treatment of Narcissistic Personality Disorders.
As narcissists believe that they are perfect individuals who know everything and who can never be wrong, the thought that somebody is challenging their views or behavior can cause rage in them. This rage can be expressed in two ways. The most obvious way is explosive behavior where the person will lash out at the other person, both verbally as well as physically. Sometimes, too much rage can give rise to murderous thoughts in the narcissistic individuals. The other way of expressing their rage is the passive aggressive behavior where the person will not harm the person physically or mentally, but will punish them by giving silent treatment. However, the rage is not just targeted towards the person who provoked them, but also towards other innocent people.

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80 thoughts on “Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  1. Pingback: DARVO: role reversal « Salem Witch Hunt

    • I don’t know how old the children are? Eventually, the children will see it. They learn coping mechanisms and they will be old enough at some point to say they don’t want to be around her. Hopefully anyway. I would get a few books on dealing with difficult people and learn what sets her off, you can find ways to keep the peace for the children maybe if you can learn her triggers.

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    • You are so right. This word and definition is my ex husbands enjoyment. I lived through as a child. No child nor parent should do this or expose a child to this off chart insane ‘Entitlement ‘ as a parent. These sick people get away with lies and destroying lives of their own blood with no regard . Hard watching my sons growing up with this path? A dad who is all self. No regards to long term effects of what he is teaching and his sons are seeing by horrible example of a father.? Lies to anyone to make or blame any situation someone else’s fault. If he can blame another. All is good? Not what example I wanted for my sons.?

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    • Not you. Sure great person. They beat you into ground to cover up their other lives to make themselves look like a wonderful person to others. You are crazy one in his twisted lying world

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  2. I wish I had been aware of this before. Why are there so many of them? My ex and his entire family. I always knew something wasn’t exactly right, but made excuses for the behavior and ignored a lot of it. Until I recognized his behavior was not normal, and then I realized that is how his entire family were.

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  3. Your description fits the members of a Goodreads group known as Badly Behaving Authors who have attacked many authors on an individual basis starting what’s known as flame wars that rage across the internet spreading across Twitter, Blogs, Amazon forums, Goodreads, etc.

    Goodreads has millions of members and tens of thousands of groups but the 200 or so members of this BBA group [of narcissists] have managed to hurt hundreds of victims with often false libelous accusations that focus on the personal with mean spirited often libelous comments designed to spread ultimate destruction psychologically and physically that are designed to destroy an author’s career before it has a chance to start and possibly cause an individual to take his or her own life.

    It’s as if the Internet created a cyber environment that allows individuals spread across America and the world who have narcissistic personality disorder to find each other and form a community, a tribe of like minded people magnifying the damage that can be done.

    A victim, instead of dealing with one person that has a bad case of narcissistic personality disorder ends up confronted by a coordinated mob that has no limits. In fact, I think these individuals end up competing with each other to see who can do the most damage.

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    • Yes, with the Internet comes cyberbullying. But with the bad comes also the good; a venue for victims to expose abusers and make their experiences known. Their stories resonate with other victims, and more voices are heard… Thank you for speaking up about Goodreads. Like bees to honey, psychopaths are attracted to situations where they’re able to have power over others.

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      • What you say about “with the bad comes also the good” is so true. In fact, this whole issue over Goodreads and the bullies who made a home on that site came about because thousands of people—-many who were also members of Goodreads [although I understand some left the site in protest which is part of the process]—came together and started to debate this issue on a number of other sites and this also took place on the Internet.

        Goodreads has tens of thousands of groups and millions of members but only a hundreds or so in one group were abusing the site and the abusers were both readers and authors but only a small fraction of the whole.

        What this shows me is that the Internet is an example of real democracy in action on a global scale and how the good and bad balance each other out over time.

        Democracy is not an instant gratification process.

        Instead, it’s more of a process that fits what President Abraham Lincoln said: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”

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  4. Pingback: Winning the Narcissist Slayer Award!!! | Madeline Scribes

    • I’m just now leaving my Narcissistic Personality Disorder husband and I’m torn up. I am still so much in love with him. This is him exactly. Rage then silent treatment. Me taking the blame for everything. I think our marriage died when he got involved with the internet and facebook in particular. That is his new narcissistic source. He’s even said as much – that you can be anyone online. He has a chance to edit his comments before posting them, self-describe, post only pictures he wants to of himself. At any time of the day or night he can get his narcissistic fix. He displayed this kind of behaviour before he was a heavy internet user, but since it took over his life our relationship became unbearable. Thank you for posting this information. Its very helpful for those who are hurting to know they couldn’t have changed a thing. Its not their fault. I still don’t fully believe this but I’m trying.

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      • Laura, believing will be effortless after you have read the stories of other victims who, just like you, had a hard time coming to terms with insights about personality disorders rearranging their universe. It is most unsettling when that “it all makes sense to me now” moment suddenly strikes and you know that your perceptions of yourself and others have collapsed and can never be the same again. Know that you are not alone. If you search the Internet, you will find stories that are uncannily similar to yours. LoveFraud.com is a good place to start, and watch this space; an article about psychopathy and the Internet is coming soon.

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      • Honey believe it. because if you don’t you will continue being abused by him my ex was much like this I loved him dearly but had to leave or I would of been 6 foot under that’s how bad it can get my kids seen a lot that kids should never see from there parents and I got them help after I left so they would be okay I spent many Yrs in therapy to over come him and his family this is so true about these people

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  5. I am married to a narcissist now. Been together for 8 years and in the past year i have learned that he has a personality disorder thanks to the internet for letting me know. He manipulated me for years and I was always left confused, angry, hurt, and feeling hopeless and stuck. I never understood why he was unable to be loving in a genuine way. And why he never wanted to meet my needs. I always regret trying to have a meaningful conversation with him. I almost always feel angry or bothered afterwards. And I never get answers that I want. He is very passive aggressive and sly in his words. And sarcastic. He makes you feel like you always have to explain yourself about everything…even something so small. He also feels the need to explain himself about everything ..usually about things that don’t matter. I have confronted him about himself and of course he looks at me as though im a child and don’t know any better. And turns the tables. The relationship has always been one sided, I have given him ultimatums many times. Because I can’t afford to move out on my own i have been stuck so to speak. I am going to school now and my hope is to finish in two years and get a decent job so i can leave. I am wondering if it is healthy to keep living this way. But another part of me feels that because i am now fully aware of his tactics and don’t allow him to control my emotions anymore that maybe i will be okay to keep living in peace with him until i can leave. But another part of me is wondering if i am fooling myself. There are times that I feel okay with the way things are because he does act normal most of the time, or so id like to think. Its only when i get comfortable with the sense that we can be happy together when something happens that reminds me that there is something wrong with him. Because he doesn’t have feelings the way i do. So I guess im questioning if it is okay for me to take this relationship for another few years since i endured it this long.

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    • Wow. Just reading this I can relate on so many levels, it’s difficult to read, for me especially because of the years when I was made to feel like I was isolated, and to be made to feel like I was caught between those who were always there for me (and I knew would somehow be there for me in the end), and my spouse. In hindsight I can see that these manipulations started very early in our relationship to “see what you would do, if I were to…”. I ended our relationship after nine years, and one Epic Failure at reconciliation that lasted two years, later. I walked on eggshells after the first year together and then the next eight, worried about what would trigger the next episode, it seemed like their always had to be conflict, if not with me then with whoever just happened to disagree, no matter what, and no matter who, conflict was a constant. I wasn’t allowed to see my daughter for the first month of our separation, which was excruciating since i have never gone a day in her five years without being right there, or talking to her on the phone when I was working. I was told she already had plans for her Birthday, which I found out later was never celebrated, Canada Day, which is a big deal for me and her because she has never seen the fireworks from anywhere else other than daddies shoulders, After a lot of begging I was finally allowed to see her for a few minutes, when, something happened that the other never expected. She latched onto me and cried like I’ve never heard a five year old cry. Ever! It broke my heart into a million pieces. She refused to leave my side. Later I would come to learn that my daughter was crying herself to sleep, crouching in the corner, screaming and pulling her hair out, calling out for me, yet at this exact time I wasn’t allowed to speak with her, I was only told that “she has to get used to you not being in her life”. The moment she was allowed to see me, my daughter wouldn’t reason, and refused to leave my side the moment she saw me, and is still with me to this day. After a couple months my step-son started visiting me, but as soon as he arrives it’s followed by a phone call from my ex that leaves him inconsolable, I still don’t know what was said, but there were three calls that left him in tears, I have raised him since he was six, he is now fourteen, after each call like that all he says is that he loves his mom, but why does she have to hurt him like that? I am now a single father to two amazing children, but who are left still thinking that they can fix things if they pray hard enough, and do everything their mother says. This is not their fault. I am not by a long shot everything they need me to be, but right now, I am all that they have. I don’t really have any advice for you, every situation is different, and no one, especially someone who knows what exactly it is your going through, can make that decision for you. When I left it was early in the morning, before any one else awoke, I had no car, no money, no job. I lived on the streets for weeks until finally breaking, and admitting to someone how low I had fallen, that’s how determined I was to never be left in this hopeless situation ever again. I left earlier this summer, in June, I have had my daughter since the end of July, my son since September. She has been lying and manipulating us since then, and has found every way to try and “get to me”. I’m not a jealous man, and I ended the relationship the only way could. So now when she rubs her new relationship in my face, she only calls to tell me how glamorous her life has been without me and the kids, with all her casting couch stories, (not to speak with them directly), I can live with that, but not with her using, and hurting my children just: “to see if I cared”. I could live with my choice to leave an emotionally abusive and vindictive woman, but I couldn’t live with my children being manipulated against me. In our tenure as a couple, I have had to endure my daughter being taken away from me to the states in the middle of the night (my ex has dual citizenship, and have been told that because she is, so are my children, and can cross without any consent from me), without adequate clothes or knowledge, or consent on my behalf from me what so ever. We are not free from her totally just yet, but with her new relationship I have a feeling that we with any luck will fade into obscurity from her mind as she find new reasons to be unhappy.

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      • Narcissists do not have the capacity for love and they do not regard their children as human beings deserving affection and respect. They are seen more as objects, possessions, or pawns; useful for manipulating the other parent or for retaliation.

        On behalf of the vast number of victims out there who can relate to your story and feel validated by it, I thank you for sharing your experiences. Your help in casting light on issues of immense impact on humanity contributes to progress towards a culture of awareness and resistance to abuse.

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    • Cherie, I hope you realize that with a narcissist, the only things that change are his target and his tactics. I also hope you will consider the long term effects of continuing to invest in the relationship while being subjected to emotional abuse. Good luck to you!

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      • I’ve invested over 25 years. And I don’t put all the blame on him, as I have my own issues. There are minor children involved, and I hate to break up the family. But the “family” is becoming more and more dysfunctional. Plus, I have none of my family left I can count on to help me. His family is wonderful, and more than aware of his issues. I think I’m more afraid of losing my relationships with them than an loss I’d suffer if he weren’t in the picture

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      • I have a friend who has maintained a loving relationship with her abusive ex husband’s family. It has been of immeasurable benefit to her child.

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  6. The real need is where to get help for these people. Pointing fingers and telling stories about your situation does not help. We have all felt the rage or drama of this personality. I want suggestions as how to help. Solutions change lives.

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    • Sharing our experiences and learning from others is immensely empowering and a vital step in the direction of general public awareness of psychopathy and the suffering of its victims. We cannot heal from victimization without understanding how it happened, and we cannot protect ourselves and others without knowledge and awareness of the dangers. Personal accounts are our most effective method of achieving this objective.

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    • I have been married for 16 years, to a successful, hard working, diligently concerned about his career and clients, happy to give, helpful around the house, happy, in the beginning that I loved to travel with him, and help initiate gatherings with his clients, and friends, and my family. Everyone, including me, felt, and expressed our gratitude and valudated him for being so amazing.
      There are signs, as I look back now. Others, like my Mom, had experienced a passive type punishment from him, which seemed to be written off as, that’s just a guy, he doesn’t think like women do. Immediately after we got married, and I moved in with him, gaving up my career, to help raise his 7 year old daughter, and have kids, as well as adopt kids…I realized his loyalties were still to his ex wife, who he said; he did not want to upset, so she would stop taking him back to court for child support. But it was at the expense of our relationship, as well as their daughter, as they did what they wanted, while I tried to maintain stability. His friends would come for dinner or a party, and make unkind remarks to me. I just nevet understood. (Adapting takes time for everyone, and my being a new person, in their lives, possibly restricted their sense of feeling able to spend time with him, when ever desired. (Yet, it really didn’t).
      At times, when his daughter, who I adored, would be with us, I would feel, left out. I thought it was my issue. Til on a family vacation, I was reading, feeling very low, blaze, and my Mom and sister came to see how I was. I told them, I felt fine, just a bit low, but didn’t really know why. They said, THEY KNOW WHY! I was shocked at how obvious they could see the dynamic between my relationship with my perfect husband, and his daughter, EVERYTIME WE WERE TOGETHER. They told me, he creates a gang up type/passive dynamic, that I could FEEL, but not see. I always suggested that my husband and I invite and pay for, my Mom, as she is widowed, as well as one of my brothers, who is married, with kids the age of our kids, yet was struggling financially, as he was developing his now successful career. My husband agreed, and we would always praise and thank him, for his hard work and generosity. I always complimented him, 3rd party endorsements, as well as feeling so happy to be married to him. We had years of infertility, and chaos, then finally had two more kids, close together. We would travel with the kids, and EVERY TIME, our trip would become increasingly more and more miserable, from his distant and angry attitude. My Mom pointed out, he clearly doesn’t like traveling with the kids. I could not see that, yet the times he would get irritated, did evolve around, WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD THOUGHT, and how we were to not annoy anyone, or do anything that could possibly have an impact on the public. Like waiting for us to get two kids out of the double stroller, fold up stroller, load all needed bags, and get on a shuttle to go someplace for the day. He was super helpful, getting it dine, but never initiated any action, unless I asked for help, and what was needed. He doesn’t like to sit still, unless home with us, alone. Even then, if we start to discuss anything related to problem solving or need to adapt quickly to a plan that didn’t work out, he would get mad, and walk away. I started an intimate relationship, with the back of his head, as he would walk away, mid sentance. Things never got resolved. We went to 3 marriage counselors, for 3 years each. All of them finely said, they can’t help us anymore, we were not progressing. It would always turn into a fight, and would be resolved after I initiated an apology for what I contributed, and let him know I didn’t like the feeling of being shut out from him, when we were not on good terms. The kids came, and I stopped asking him for anything, like intimacy, or plans, or time together, and focused on the kids, thinking I had been too demanding. He would help with the kids, and seemed to enjoy it, when they were really little. But, as they started walking, and needed a lot more when packing up for the day, he seemed resentful, and distant, and I noticed things like, blaming me for everything, or denying what he just said or did, twisting what I said, and the day would end abruptly, with him
      SHUTTING DOWN. We would argue. I would initiate the making up, but would not happen if I needed to process it, nor could he return after taking a break, when heated, no matter how many months, weeks, days…He said, I needed too much. I accepted that, and tried to change my needs. He said, I didn’t have the tone of voice that made him safe. I changed my tone. He said, I didn’t say the right words when initiating a discussion, I changed my words. Anything I did, to change so we could connect, he found something else that still didn’t work for him. After years of marriage, at our anniversary, I would bring up the year in review, and ask how he saw it, and felt about it. His “THORNS AND ROSES”. I would wonder, what made him happy and what did he wish could change. And again, I set to work, to change. I knew he had a point regarding these requests, as I knew I grew up in a dysfunctional home, with a lot of males, and was the only female, and had heard the same irritations from my brothers. I had a close relationship with my brothers, but seemed, no matter what I did, I just pissed them off. And my Mom agreed, I was the problem. My parents did not want a girl, as they both said, they were not happy when learning I was a girl, they were afraid because they didn’t know what to do with a girl. I always thought, well…just do what you do with everyone else…love, support, teach, encourage, listen…WHAT DOES IT MATTER? I learned from reletives, when I grew up, my Dad, worked all day, went to night school, and when I wanted to be near him, or held or listened to, he told me to, “go find something to do”. So, I did, I WAS A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL, WHO HAD JESUS AS MY BEST FRIEND, and sang endless (made up) love so gs to Him for hours, as I saw so much beauty in the world, specifically, IN PEOPLE. I was raised and treated like a boy, (to the extent, every night we would use the potty before bed. My brothers, would step on the steppy stool, pull out needed part, and pee in toilet, (or there about). Each of us lined up, one after the other. Life was very regimented, and structured and consistent, all kids fed, bathed, and in bed, before my Dad got home for dinner. (MY MOMS RULES, MY DAD WAS A FUN HOG, BUT AFTER LONG DAYS…he wanted time with my Mom…who was so exhausted also, she just wanted to sleep)…but would set it up, to give him the time he VULNERABLY REQUESTED, and made known to her, and as women know, that is attractive and endearing, to have your husband express his desire for your company, and he would sit and pricess his day, (in his head), as long as she was on the couch, next to him, he was happy. He was a nightime pricessor, and needed his dinner, down time, and his wife.
      (HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR US KIDS, but was not big on disciplining us, after he got home, as he had his limits, which made it hard for my Mom, as she is a perfectionist, WHO FIXATED ON THE DEFINITION OF SUCCESS FOR HER CHILDREN, AS EXCELLENCE IN ADADEMICS. This caused many problems, as my Dad was responsible, traditional, the oldest in a large family, and he was 17 when he went to Korea, and came back to find, he had lost his father to a brain anyurism, as well as no money for his college education for medical achool, and felt the responsibility, to help
      where he worked, at a hospital. He was intent on marrying my Mom, but called off the wedding, breifly, as he had been laid off after moving from the east coast to the west coast, and had a job he HATED ANYWAY. My Mom had a job as a checker at a grocery store, even tho she had a teaching degree, she moved, and never used it. So, clearly…they worked it out, got married, had a baby boy, (with dyslexia, in a time not much was known), and dashed her hopes of the academic genius she had her mind set on! They adopted a baby boy, 4 years later, that my Dad had HIS MIND SET ON DOING SINCE HIS EXPERIENCE IN THE KOREAN WAR. Then, BLAM; 13 MONTHS APART…they have me, A FLIPPIN GIRL! (MY MOM HAD FELT MISTREATED BY HER MOM, for not being the SMART ONE, THAT HER GIFTED, BEAUTIFUL AND CONFIDENT OLDER SISTER WAS, AND DEVELOPED A CHIP ON HER SHOULDER FOR : – WOMEN, ANYONE LIKE HER MOTHER- ANYONE NOT AS SMART AS HER SISTER, OR THAT WORKED AS HARD AS MY MON DID, to PROVE HERSELF, (ironically never teaching, and never using her education…but getting married, to assume the traditional housewife role, AND DESPISED WOMEN IN THE WORKFORCE, WITH A WOMANS LIB ATTITUDE), LETTING ME KNOW SINCE BIRTH, I SHOULD DENY ALL WEAK AND FEMININE QUALITIES, ACT LIKE A BOY, DRESS IN BOY CLOTHES, 2 sizes to big, GO CAMPING AND DEAL WITH A THE SNAKES, bugs, hiking, COLD MISERABLE FEET, and help her with the little brothers, while my Dad took the other brothers, (skipping me) to do the fun stuff. Yet, at HOME; I COULD NOT CRY, NO PINK, NO DANCING, AND WAS PRAISED FOR BEING THE FIRST FOOTBALL PLAYER, FASTEST SWIMMER, in state, UNDER 6, (earning many ribbons and trophies, ONLY FOR THE REASON, THAT I INSTIGATED THE COMPETITIVE SPIRIT IN MY BROTHERS, TO MOTIVATE THEM INTO WINNING AS WELL. So many mixed messages, and when I stepped up on that steppy stool, to pee, after each brother, before bed; I PULLED OUT MY BELLY BUTTON, PEE’D ON THE FLOOR, AND WAS ASTONISHED, as well as reprimanded.

      So, in my marriage, I always assumed, I was the one lacking and in need of change. I also had a niave way of seeing the world, as I had been over protected by MANY BROTHERS, AND DAD. I kept my purity for the man I married, and trustef him completely, BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE “HOME”, to me, after being friends for many years, prior to dating and getting married.
      Ad much as I loved babies and my younger brother, I was also told, I needed to go to college, so I could be a stay at home Mom. I hated school. But, went. After running away with a fickleness, to men…I decided to attend grad school, FOR THE FIRST TIME, LEARNING WHAT I WANTED TO LEARN…AND BECAME TOP OF CLASS, WITH HONORS, RECRUITED, DEVELOPED A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, I LOVED…THEN, AFTER YEARS OF TEARS, feeling I may never have someone love me, I GOT MARRIED. As u can see, I WAS FROM A DYSFUNCTIONAL, confusing family (I LEFT OUT THE ABUSIVE PARTS), GAVE UP A LOT, THAT I HAD WORKED REALLY HARD FOR, AND LEFT GOOD FRIENDS, TO LIVE MY LIFE WITH MY HISBAND, in HIS WORLD, which he had NO SACRIFICES TO EXCHANGE ON MY BEHALF, ONCE I REALIZED, HE WAS KEEPING HIS LIFE, FRIENDS, DYNAMICS AND EXCHANGES WITH EX, (who lasted less than a year), and I WAS ON MY OWN, rejectef and put in my comfortable, childhood spot, of being invisible and dismissed, AS WELL AS BLAMED FOR ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF SUCCESS, or BEING A LATE BLOOMER AND HAPPY IN MY OWN WORLD.

      I SUPPOSE I SAY ALL THE ABOVE BECAUSE i am DEVOUTELY CATHOLIC, DIVORCE HAS NEVER BEEN AN OPTION, GOT MARRIED LATE, HAD KIDS LATE, SOME WHO WE ADOPTED, SO THEIR BIRTHPARENTS COULD PROVIDE A TWO PARENT, STABLE HOME, which they never had… ONLY TO FIND MYSELF, now; OLDER, WITH 3 YOUNG KIDS, WHO LOVE THEIr Dad, YET SEE WE ARE A MESSED UP, NEGATIVE FAMILY, who prior to a few years ago, THE KIDS HAD AN IDEAL MOM, TOTALLY ENGAGED, HOMESCHOOLING, ACTIVITIES GALORE,’FRIENDSHIPS, ENTERTAINING, CELEBRATING, FUN HOG, THE MORE THE MERRIER, EVERYONE MADE TO FEEL AT HOME…. POSITIVE LIFE STYLE. THEN, WE MOVED, AFTER 10 YEARS, where we agreed to live after we got married, BOUGHT THE HOUSE I DID NOT WANT, IN EXCHANGE FOR A YARD i could HAVE TOTAL ABONDON, MAKING INTO MY VISION FOR KIDS. (LETS JUST SUM THIS PART UP, MANY INITIATED COMPROMISES, SO I WOULD SUPPORT WHAT HUSBAND WANTED, WITH NO FULFILLED PROMISES WHEN IT CAME TO MY TURN. AFTER A BOUT OF MY ILLNESS, LEAVING ME WITH NO ABILITY TO FUNCTION FOR 3 YEARS, I STARTED TO RETURN BACK TO MY OLD SELF. THIS IS WHEN THE MARRIAGE SHIT HIT THE FAM, ON MANY HIGHER, ESCALATING LEVELS, of ANGST, AND SEVERE RETALIATION. At first, I SYMPATHIZED WITH HOW HARD IT MUST HAVE BEEN TO HAVE ALL MY STAY AT HIME, MOM JOBS HEALED UPON HIS SHOULDERS, and HOW THAT WAS UNFAIR AND SUCKS. THEN, I REALIZED THIS OVERWHELMING EXHAUSTION, CONFUSION, AND THE NEED TO SEEK HELP MAKING SENSE OF SO MANY TRICKS, and plots, denied, and turned around to be my fault. I figured there was anger that needed to be expressed, as it DID STINK! (I lost my vision for 3 years). We had a nanny, with no supervision, taking full advantage of all we gave her, and as I became capable again, got frustrated with the chaos and lack of routine, Discipline, tuning out, blame, BUT ONCE THE PASSIVE RETALIATION STARTED, LEADING TO MAJOR CHARACTEF DEFAMATION, on me, AS WELL AS THE DELLUSIONAL, GANG RECRUITED, EXAGGERATED, NEGATIVE EXPRESSION TO “FRIENDS”, and MY FAMILY, along with an increase in emotional abuse, AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, and I started OBSERVING THE IMPACT IT ALL HAD ON MY NOW MIDDLE AGE, AND YOUNG CHILDS ANGRY AND REBELLIOUS, confused BEHAVIORS, FAILING SCHOOL, BLAMING ME FOR WHEN TRAUMATIZED BY SEEING THEIR DADS PHYSICAL ABUSE TOWARDS ME, “BECAUSE I COULDN’T MAKE HIM TREAT US AS GENTLEMEN SHOULD”, I STARTED TO LOSE MY ABILITY TO FUNCTION. I spent the SUMMER DOING WELLNESS PROGRAMS TO FIGURE OUT THE CAUSE OF MY INABILITY TO MAKE CHOICES, GET OUT OF BED, CARE ABOUT ANYTHING I USED TO LOVE…(LOOK UP ONSITE, IN TN), I HAVE TOTAL CLARITY, I FOUND ME, AGAIN. I AM BACK, AND KNOW THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE A LIFE OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND IDENTIFY, the dysfunctional ones. I THOUGHT THIS IS THE TICKET TO CREATE A NEW FAMILY DYNAMIC! THEN, realized, ALL EFFORTS PUT FORTH BY MY HISBAND WERE FALSE, NO FOLLOW THRU WITH ACTION, BLAME, BLAME, BLAME, DISTANCE, ANGER INCREASE, AS WELL AS PHYSICAL ABUSE ESCALATING. NO ABILITY TO TAKE OWNERSHIP
      FOR ANY MISTAKES, OR EVEN RECOGNIZE ACTIONS, denying VISUALLY WITNESSED INCIDENTS, AND ACCUSING ME OF @setting him up”, AFTER SOMEONE CALLED CPS, for an incident that happened months ago. I was told, I WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR NOT REPORTING SUCH THINGS, AND CAN JEOPORDIZE THE CUSTODY OF OUR KIDS BEING WITH EITHER ONE. Yet, I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO KEEP TRACT OF ANY FINANCIALS, SEE WHAT HE HAS TD ME, I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO SIGN, HAVE NO NAME ON OUR ACCOUNTS, as HE FEEDS MONEY INTO MY ACCOUNT AS NEEDED WHEN ASKED REGARDING TAKING CARE OF KIDS AND FOOD AND HOME. My THERAPIST FOR 16 years has been telling me for years, to seek an attorney, as I am i. A vulnerable situation, AND THREE OTHER PAYCHIATRISTS HAVE IMPLIED, my husband is a narcissist and to leave. ONLY ONE, met him, 28 years ago, and td me after 2 meetings, leave, he is a narcissist. BUT HE HAS SO MANY AMAZING QUALITIES, YET THEY ARE FOR OTHERS TO SEE, no one believes me, AND HE HAS RUINED MY REPUTATION, ABITY TO NETWORK TO CREATE BUINESS , and puts me down, saying, “I WORK!!”
      “WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY??? ” I CAN’t believe he can’t see I take care of 4
      Kids,
      Volunteer at school, have 3 businesses, that I have no time for, BECAUSE MY VISION IS JUST STARTING TO RETURN, AND I STRUGGLE TO SEE, and it is draining, along with having NO FOLLOW THRU, to back eachother, after we both decide how we want to structure and limit devices, homework, family time, chores, blah blah blah. SAME STORY, he says he will support me, then tunes out, while I struggle to help with homework, get kids fed, clean up, baths, prayers, bed, family time; SABOTAGED ALL THE TIME. I am alone, and just recoverying WHO I AM, the person who I LIKE, after being CONSTANTLY TD, I EAT TOO SLOW, I TAKE TOO LONG, I EMBARRASS HIM BECAUSE i make (PALEO) requests on menus, I FEEL EXHAUSTED AND NEED HELP CLEANING AND ORGANIZING THIS WAY TOO BIG HOUSE I DID NOT WANT, AMD FEEL SO DEETED SOME DAYS, I JUST CURL UP, AND TRY TO HANG ON, BEGGING GOD TO GIVE ME DIRECTION. I CAN NOT TOTALLY GRASP WHAT IS BEST FOR EVEFYONE, OR IF i am missing some type of infkrmation, THAT I CAN LEARN, AND KEEP OUR FAMILY TOGETHER, PERHAPS BY REMWMBERING, “THRU GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE”. FORGIVE MY LONG STORY. I have been told I over share, BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN HEARD, AS I HAVE FELT INVISIBLE, AND HAD MY REALITY DENIED MY WHILE LIFE, And i DID LEARN WHAT IS HEALTHY, BUT JUST CAME BACK IN TIME, for kids to start school, as I REALIZE, EVERYTHING IS CHANGING IN THE LIVES OF OUR KIDS NEEDS, AND I FEEL EXPECTED TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT, AND MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN, NOW. BUT I JUST GOT HOME, AND AM STILL TRYING TO SET UP
      ALL MY AFTER CARE PLANS TO HELP
      SUPPORT ME. MY KIDS NEED HELP ASAP, AND WE ARE ALL BEING CONTINUOUSLY HIRT BY MY HUSBAND, which confuses, EXHAUSTS AND CREATES FIGHTS, NEGATIVITY, AND DYNAMICS, I CAN EVENTUALLY DEAL WITH BUT NEED MORE TIME. PLEASE PRAY THAT I MAKE A DECISION, THAT IS IN SUPPORT OF GIDS WILL, AND MY CHILDRENS WELL FARE, BEFORE THEY ARE AS CONFUSED AND INVITE RELATIONSHIPS I TO THEIR LIVES THAT WILL DEPLETE THEM EVEN MORE!!

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  7. Individuals who grew up—mostly thanks to their parents and or guardians parenting style—to have narcissistic personality disorder as an adult are not going to change unless they want to change.

    For instance, a combat vet with PTSD is not going to manage his PTSD if he doesn’t want to. The VA offers counseling and support groups for both the veterans and their famlies and even their friends. here are also non-profit groups outside of the VA that offer this group support.

    When the vet with PTSD won’t go for help, the family members or close friends can find support groups that will help them develop skills to live with the person who has PTSD or support their decision to walk away.

    I think that same support can be offered to the victims of individuals who have narcissistic personality disorder even if that support is to only help the victim escape instead of cope.

    And maybe support groups are already out there to help with narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, I just found this piece from Psychology Today that asks “Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Does Group Therapy Help?” You change how people deal with narcissism, not the narcissist.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-healing-crowd/201106/narcissistic-personality-disorder-does-group-therapy-help

    Liked by 1 person

    • Excellent contribution. Thank you.

      For a victim, especially one who has suffered alone, just being among people who “get it” can be extraordinarily uplifting. Find support/interest groups on Google. Meetup.com is another place to search.

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  8. I have read these stories and they all sound just like my husband. What I want to know is what do we do for ourselves, the ones that have suffered through these relationships and now find ourselves on our own with low self esteem, no confidence and ptsd? I am not the same confident independent person I was going in to the relationship and now I feel I am left with nothing. Are there support groups or books that help to rebuild our lives?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is a description of my late mother. Surviving is hard. I was lucky, her brother was very supportive and he could deal with her. After his death it was harder, but by then I was able to deal with her.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Describes my Ex to a T. You were constantly put down always made to feel inferior. People like this haven’t a good word to say about anyone. I used to believe he was like Jekyll and Hyde as he was capable of creating a totally different persona when out in public. These kind of people are very very dangerous and extremely manipulative. They think nothing of destroying those around them and befriend people only to use them and dump them when they are no longer of use to them.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. “As narcissists believe that they are perfect individuals who know everything and who can never be wrong, the thought that somebody is challenging their views or behavior can cause rage in them.”

    It’s interesting how most of them will say and possibly even think “I can be wrong” and they will tell others “of course I can be wrong” but then 1. that’s only because humility is a good trait therefore they must have it because they’re perfect; 2. they think that scenario is so unlikely that they don’t even bother listening to people who just seem to not fully agree with them on anything, they will interrupt them, judge them and silence them, and then after they have been tormenting and frustrating them for a while they’ll claim that something must be wrong with them even if they are only just a little upset – even if they were really upset that would be normal anyway.

    It’s funny how they can be so different from one another but in the end they’re all the same, they all share the main characteristic of the disorder: they’re superior, they’re the teacher, the rest of the world is full of students – if they are not interested in their lessons, then they’re awful; if they are, they’d better not have their own opinions because those are not allowed. This is what they call “perceived threat to self esteem”. Thanks for the article!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I am currently very much stuck with my narcissist, 22 years of marriage to be exact! I have been wanting to divorce him so badly.mostly for my two daughters because at 16 and 13 they are beginning to act like him and it makes me feel awful that I’ve stayed so long,but I became very sick 15 years ago with lupus and I have been his prisoner ever since.He hates sick people, he thinks its a personal weekness.He has even told me if it was him who got lupus he would just pretend he didn’t have it and would go on with his life! Can you imagine hearing that from your husband when I’m laying in my bed half dead.my lupus has made me a prisoner of my marriage. If I was healthy I would have taken my girls long ago and I would have run away as fast as I can,but sadly lupus controls my life as much as my horrible wicked husband . I’m currently, slowly getting my personal matters in order,like health insurance and I’m going to have to claim disability since I have been unable to work for 15 yrs without him I can’t support myself on nothing.I have a divorce lawyer and all my papers are ready to be filed as soon as I’m ready. It will only take 30 days to bee divorced, its pretty easy to divorce someone who has never provided anything, no gifts not even a wedding ring,no credit cards,nothing to split other then our home when its sold.the home that I made a home.which I’m going to have to leave and he gets to stay! I would rather leave with nothing except my kids but as we know a narcissist he is going to fight me for my kids,not because I am a bad mother( I’m a great mom) its because he wants the power and he doesn’t want to have to give me a dime.so my advice to anyone dating a person like this,run for your life and never look back,its not worth it.nothing and no one is worth the emotional abuse.when you truly love someone, you absolutely deserve to be loved back so NEVER comprise your happiness for a person who will never be happy no matter how much you loved them.you and I are worth so much more !

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are very realistic about what to expect. Although frightening, it is an advantage. I think you will be happier in simple circumstances without that man than with a more abundant lifestyle with him. Won’t a court let you keep the house if the girls stay with you?

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