Victims are cruelly revictimized.

Watch for it. All abusers do it.

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US Catholic orphanage sex abuse victim still feels pain 70 years later.

Posted on Nov 9, 2016 in Feature
By Michael O’Keeffe

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Cardinal Dolan: We hope new program will help abuse victims heal. 
 (Michael IP/ New York Daily News)

When “Don” told the priest who ran St. Michael’s Home for Children on Staten Island that one of his employees had molested him repeatedly over the previous two years, the clergyman gave the boy a lecture about damaging another man’s reputation. Then he told Don to report to the employee who allegedly sexually abused him for his punishment.

Read the full story

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See also: DARVO
Exposing an abuser
DARVO—Role Reversal
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse

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Recognizing Toxic People

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Triangulation

Triangulation is a fun game for the narcopath and an effective “divide and conquer” technique. It rewards with a satisfying sense of being smarter than and superior to others, especially the unwitting targets playing the parts they have been assigned. Stirring up animosity between others is also used to rally supporters and to divert attention away from the devious scheming the narcopath is engaged in.

Triangulation is used in all social contexts, including the workplace and among interest groups and friends. Abusers discover their manipulative abilities in childhood and refine these conniving skills over a lifetime. It is virtually impossible to catch them in the act.

via Red Flag of a Narcissist #25: Triangulation | Narcissist Support.

What is a narcopath?

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths share several characteristic traits and behaviors, such as egocentrism, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulativeness. The newly created term narcopath can be used to reference an individual exhibiting these traits when their specific personality disorder diagnosis is either unknown or insignificant in the context. Toxic is an equivalent, more common description for people belonging to this general category.

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Good Deeds by Bad People?

Do psychopaths ever experience empathy or compassion? Are they ever inclined to help someone in need—without an ulterior motive? Are there psychopaths who do more good in the world than your average apath or bleeding heart empath?

Read the article by James, psychopath:
Doing something nice for no reason

at No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges

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The Exploitable Epitome of Human Goodness

You are a tool.

Anna Valerious:

To really get a sense for how the narcissist perceives you, you will need to picture a tool. Let’s say a hammer. The hammer has no will of its own. The hammer’s value is in how it serves you. When you pick up the hammer it is like an extension of your hand. We are able to use it without regard for how it must feel when we whack a nail with it. Of course, because it has no feelings. We don’t have to think about the hammer, we simply use it to our own ends and then set it down and walk away when it has performed the function we wanted it for.

You are that hammer to the narcissist. All of us are merely tools made for their use. Extensions of themselves. We are like a table or chair or bookcase or toilet paper.

The narcissist will become enraged if such inanimate tools decide to sprout a mind of their own and not perform and conform perfectly to their will. It is perceived as an attack! The default setting in the mind of the narcissist toward the rest of humanity is that we are not worth anything except as they imbue value in us. Then we are worth something, but only as much as the narcissist decides. We can be completely devalued in a moment and thrown out with the rest of the garbage.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com

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Pleasant and Well-Mannered?

Don’t be fooled by nice manners. What looks like politeness may be pretense to sugarcoat aggressive, manipulative, or false communication. Look at the content; not merely the cover. Pay close attention to what the person is saying and don’t be fooled by his position or the eloquence of his expression.

The Official Etiquette Rules for the Vintage Advice Group (Photo: Ann Douglas)

See also: It’s so easy to be fooled

Why doesn’t anyone stop them?

There are reasons for our failure to act when action is appropriate.

We don’t acknowledge, or even recognize, that evil exists. We’re told that “there’s good in everyone,” “deep down we’re all the same,” “everyone makes mistakes,” “everyone deserves a second chance,” or “we all just need to be loved.” We are not told that there are exceptions to these platitudes. As many as 12 percent of the population are sociopaths—social predators who live their lives exploiting others—and another chunk of the population are almost sociopaths. Typically, their aggression is covert and most of us don’t know anything about sociopaths until we are personally targeted. 

Taking action against bad behavior usually requires confrontation. Confrontation is uncomfortable, at best, and at worst, dangerous. Most of us try to avoid confrontation. In fact, probably the only people who enjoy confrontation are sociopaths. They, of course, are the ones causing the problems.

There are other reasons why we don’t act. We may feel that the problem is too big, and we’re too small to change anything. We may believe that someone else ought to take action. We may fear—legitimately—repercussions or retaliation. We may believe that the problem will “go away” or not impact us if we ignore it and focus on the positive.

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What is “The Bystander Effect”?
(PsychopathResistance.com)
The “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of Conflict Resolution
(anyaworksmart.com)
Lazy Brain and the Narcissistic Sociopath (beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com)
Being with a Narcissistic Sociopath – Part 1 (beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com)
Confrontation or Communication
(lifefitnessbydane.wordpress.com)

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Almost a Psychopath

Do I (or Does Someone I Know) Have a Problem with Manipulation and Lack of Empathy?

Do you know someone who is manipulative and full of himself? Does someone you know charm the masses yet lack the ability to deeply connect with anyone?

Grandiosity and exaggerated self-worth. Pathological lying. Manipulation. Lack of remorse. Shallowness. Exploitation. These are the qualities of Almost Psychopaths. They are not the deranged criminals or serial killers that might be coined “psychopaths” in the movies or on TV. They are spouses, coworkers, bosses, neighbors, and people in the news who exhibit many of the same behaviors as a full-blown psychopath, but with less intensity and consistency.

In Almost a Psychopath, Ronald Schouten, MD, JD, and James Silver, JD, draw on scientific research and their own experiences to help you identify if you are an Almost Psychopath and, if so, guide you to interventions and resources to change your behavior.

If you think you have encountered an Almost Psychopath, they offer practical tools to help you: recognize the behavior, attitudes, and characteristics of the Almost Psychopath; make sense of interactions you’ve had with Almost Psychopaths; devise strategies for dealing with them in the present; make informed decisions about your next steps; and learn ways to help an Almost Psychopath get better control of their behavior.

Click the book cover to read more.

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Rationalizing Psychopathic Traits

In our understanding of the world around us, we are restricted by the framework of our knowledge and beliefs. When we try to make sense of other people’s behavior, our minds rationalize to avoid cognitive dissonance, or contradicting beliefs, sometimes resulting in unrealistic perceptions. The decisions we base on those perceptions will be ineffective or inappropriate at best, while in a worst case scenario; they could lead to a lifetime of misery or death.

• See no Evil: Why is there so little Psychopathy Awareness? (psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com)
• 12 cognitive biases that prevent you from being rational (reasonandlogic.wordpress.com)
• Cognitive Dissonance Theory (eam006.wordpress.com)
• 14 Psychopathic Tactics (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)

Dealing with Manipulative People

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (See book cover in the sidebar!)

“A manipulative person … is a covertly aggressive personality.”
“You ask a manipulator a direct question, you rarely get a direct answer.”

The Golden Rule

Quoted from Don’t Be A Minion

The psycho/sociopath contemptuously regards
conscientious people as inferior and as easy targets.

Are You Trustworthy?

Trustworthy?
You’re an honest, forthright person. You take your obligations seriously. You would never dream of taking advantage of someone—so when a sociopath takes advantage of you, you won’t see it coming. If you play by the rules, know this:
Sociopaths don’t.

Read more at LoveFraud.com.

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Some people really are that hostile.

“These people are at war with you. Don’t ever tell them your secrets or your insecurities. They will just use it against you to inflict more pain. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but some people really are that hostile towards the world that they really are out to emotionally hurt everyone and anyone. The people they are closest to are just their easiest victims.”

It’s so easy to be fooled.

Psychopaths are superficially charming. They lack delusions or other signs of irrational thinking and are free of nervousness and anxiety. In other words, they present an image of stability, confidence, and overall good “mental health” that can disarm even the most experienced judge of human character.

13 Rules for dealing with a psycho/sociopath

By Dr. Martha Stout

The Sociopath Next Door

1 Accept that some people have no conscience; that there are evil people in this world who do not act out of concern or love for another.

2 Listen to your instincts — labels (professional roles) do not make a good person. Look carefully at someone who “carries” a professional label, judging whether that individual’s behavior fits what is expected of that professional role.

3 Practice the rule of threes — One lie or broken promise may be a misunderstanding, two lies may involve a serious mistake, three lies — the individual is not trustworthy. Stay away from that individual.

4 Question authority.

5 Suspect flattery — when someone flatters you excessively, telling you how much they appreciate you or like it when you visit or how much they enjoy your conversations.

6 Redefine your concept of respect — respect must be earned. Don’t automatically give respect to an individual because of her professional role or her relationship to you.

7 Refuse to join the game — do not try to outsmart the sociopath. Do not reduce yourself to his level.

8 Once you identify a sociopath, avoid him, refuse any kind of interaction. It is the only way to protect yourself.

9 Question your tendency to pity too easily. Anyone who actively campaigns for your pity or consistently hurts others is likely a sociopath. Pity should be reserved for those who truly deserve it. Make sure the individual who seeks your help really needs it.

10 Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. If you are dealing with someone without a conscience, you cannot change them, no matter how educated or loving you are. Sociopaths have no reason to change; they like who they are.

11 Never agree to help a sociopath conceal her true character. You don’t owe the sociopath anything. Don’t believe that you are like her, no matter what she says. You are nothing like her.

12 Defend your psyche. Humanity is not a failure. Being kind and loving and caring is the best way to live. It is the way most people live their lives.

13 Living well is the best revenge.

Related articles

• What not to read before bed  (morvensblog.wordpress.com)
• Identifying the Adversary (twsp1.wordpress.com)
• The Authenticity and Effectiveness of Flattery (danerwin.typepad.com)
• Doc Bonn Explains: The Difference Between a Sociopath and a Psychopath (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)
• Flattery or Fraud? (lisawieldswords.wordpress.com)
• Sociopaths and Psychopaths: Can They Be Cured? (phoenixsphere.com)
• Sociopaths R Us (lewrockwell.com)
• “Because most humans aren’t full-on sociopaths…” (darkerme.com)
• Why We Love Sociopaths (thelastpsychiatrist.com)
• A Real Capacity for Evil (lewrockwell.com)
• The Ascendance of Sociopaths in US Governance (theburningplatform.com)