Triangulation

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Triangulation is a fun game for the narcopath and an effective “divide and conquer” technique. It rewards with a satisfying sense of being smarter than and superior to others, especially the unwitting targets playing the parts they have been assigned. Stirring up animosity between others is also used to rally supporters and to divert attention away from the devious scheming the narcopath is engaged in.

Triangulation is used in all social contexts, including the workplace and among interest groups and friends. Abusers discover their manipulative abilities in childhood and refine these conniving skills over a lifetime. It is virtually impossible to catch them in the act.

via Red Flag of a Narcissist #25: Triangulation | Narcissist Support.

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What is a narcopath?

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths share several characteristic traits and behaviors, such as egocentrism, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulativeness. The newly created term narcopath can be used to reference an individual exhibiting these traits when their specific personality disorder diagnosis is either unknown or insignificant in the context. Toxic is an equivalent, more common description for people belonging to this general category.


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Recognize a Manipulator

via Be Aware of These 8 Signs Of A Manipulator.

This image is for illustrative purposes only. The pictured individuals have no actual connection to the article contents. 

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BY KRIS LEE

While we all are manipulative to some degree, manipulators engage in set behaviors on a regular basis. Manipulators use deceptive and underhanded tactics by exploiting another person for power, control, and privileges at the other person’s expense. They play on your good intentions, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses to get what they want.  Don’t be surprised if a manipulator is someone you trust or even love.

When someone is clearly wronging or hurting you and you are the one feeling bad and apologizing for their wrong doings, you are being manipulated. Manipulative behaviors are learned, most often in childhood. Thus, unfortunately it’s something that can’t be quickly unlearned. So, watch out for some common signs to spot them and once you do, pull them out of your life immediately. They are toxic weeds in your life.

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1. They are experts in playing mind games.

Some manipulators are highly skilled and their tactics are so subtle that it can control you for a long time before you finally figure out what’s happening. Skilled manipulators have a way of twisting a previous conversation or replaying it to suit their needs. They will do something to hurt you and when you express how you feel about it, they’ll turn the situation around, make you feel guilty and end up justifying their actions.

Does your partner say or do things that make you feel like you must be crazy and then tell you you’re making something out of nothing?  Obviously your partner twists the truth or leaves out certain information to make you doubt your own perception and sanity.

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2. They have their best interests in mind, not yours.

They twist your thoughts and actions bit by bit until you look to them for guidance on everything. They mold you into someone who serves their own purposes. Sadly, you trust them more than you trust yourself. Their motives are almost always self-serving, and they have little interests in how you feel or how their behaviors impact you and your life.

They consistently point out your shortcomings, then show you that with their help, you can do better and become better. In that way they convince you that they have your best interests in mind, but the truth is they don’t.

3. They are emotional bullies and control freaks.

Manipulators need to be in control, and the desire for control often masks underlying feelings of their own insecurity. They need to feel superior and powerful. They have a deep narcissistic desire to shift the focus somehow to themselves and seek you out to validate them.

Virtuous EvilManipulators claim that they know how the world should be, how you should act and of course by their rules. They are virtuous and righteous. They are saints in their own minds, so you’d better agree. They know what’s best for you. Just ask them and they will give you advice and will make your life miserable if you don’t do what they say or utterly worship them. Besides, they are great debaters, so you never win.

4. They are irresponsible and inconsistent.

Manipulators have difficulty accepting responsibility for their behavior and it is always about what everyone else had done to them. If you call them on their behaviors, they’ll find a way to turn it around to make you feel bad or guilty. Manipulators may say yes to a request or make a small commitment to you, and then when the time comes to follow through, they conveniently forget what they said or deny the fact that they even promised.

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5. They blame you for their behaviors.

They blame you for what they’ve said, done, not said or not done. If you point out how they just turned the tables, they’ll most likely make you look selfish and pitiful. Thus, you can’t really prove anything so it’s your bad memory against their lying words. You begin to question yourself and even feel bad that you challenged them. Manipulators will never admit their wrong-doings when it puts them at a disadvantage. Instead, they’re always on the lookout for someone to blame, and here, alas, it’s you.

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Manipulators are good at keeping score so that one day they will blame you if things don’t work for them. They are willing to help but it always comes at a price. They remind you of that one time they helped you out and use it as a way to manipulate you into feeling like you owe them something.

3d037-wolfinsheep6. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

They attempt to establish intimacy by sharing their deep personal information that they make you believe they trust you and in turn, you trust them. You may initially perceive them as very sensitive, emotionally open and a bit vulnerable. You won’t suspect at all that you are being played. Since they are able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly, they are able to create the persona or mask of who you think they are, but it’s all an illusion.

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Manipulators want to listen to what you have to say in order to find out your strengths and weaknesses. Although it may feel like genuine interest and that they are good listeners, keep in mind that there may be a hidden agenda behind all this interest. They won’t hesitate to use all of these against you with an arsenal of effective manipulation tactics.

7. They have no desire in having authentic real communication.

Once again when you call them out on their behavior, more than likely, you’ll get a defensive and angry reaction rather than being direct and forthright communication. They usually sidestep honest communication and use passive aggressive methods instead. They try to intimidate you with aggressive language, subtle threats or outright anger, especially when they see you are uncomfortable with confrontation.

SincerityIf you try to have an open and honest conversation about moments when you feel hurt or invalidated, you will be shut down with allegations that you are being too sensitive, insecure, or over-reacting. They may pretend to be sweet and open-minded to your face, and while they might not hurt you directly, they will find subtle ways of undermining or belittling you.

8. They are afraid of vulnerability.

Manipulators seldom express their needs, desires, or true feelings. They seek out the vulnerabilities in others in order to take advantage of them for their own benefits and deflect their true motives. They have no ability to love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience. To them, life is merely a game of taking power and control and getting what they want. They see vulnerability as a weakness and staying invulnerable is a great way to hide who they really are. So, if you don’t live up to their so-called standards and they are filled with contempt for you, it’s so easy for them to simply get up and move on.

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You may also like:
• 
15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People
• 12 Signs That You’re Loving One That You Shouldn’t
• 23 Body Language Tricks That Make You Instantly Likeable

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Why Would Anyone Want to Control You?

ManipulationThe sociopath uses a number of tools to manipulate.

By Sarah Newman, MA

The need to control others may not make a lot of sense to you. If you’re a live-and-let-live person, you’d never want to control someone else. Even if you’re a perfectionist, you stay on your own case all day, not necessarily someone else’s.

But controllers are out there. They want to micromanage what you say, how you act, even what you think quietly in your own mind. It could be your boss, your spouse, or even your parent. You can’t be yourself around them. They insist on being your top priority and want undue influence over your life. They might push your buttons to get an emotional reaction out of you because they want to exploit it as weakness. They have no respect for you or your boundaries.

There are plenty of theories why someone would want to control you. One is that people who can’t control themselves turn to controlling others. This happens on an emotional level. A person full of insecurities has to exact a positive sense of self from other people because their self esteem is too low to do it for themselves.

Maybe people control because they are afraid of being abandoned. They don’t feel secure in their relationships and are often testing to see if they’re about to be betrayed. The paradox is that their behavior creates exactly what they fear the most… Continue reading: 

Why Anyone Would Want to Control You | World of Psychology.

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Published on PsychCentral.com.

Sarah Rae Newman is an Associate Editor at Psych Central and a science blogger. The author of several books, she received her MA in psychology from the New School for Social Research and an MFA in writing from CCNY.

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See also:


Word Salad and Narc Speak

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Posted on April 8, 2015 by Dana in Explaining Narcissists

Your Fault

Word Salad, also often referred to as Narc Speak, is a nonsensical mix of words, phrases, or conversations and is traditionally (and clinically) associated with a person who has Schizophrenia, Dementia, Logorrhea (a communication disorder of the brain), Schizophasia, Receptive Aphasia, or brain injuries.

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In the context of Narc Speak, the word salad is a combination of intentional manipulative conversational techniques that are designed to frustrate, confuse, and erode the sanity of the victim by getting them to question their perceptions of events, as well as their own judgment in general. Narc Speak most commonly happens when the victim confronts the Narcissist with their behavior, although if the Narcissist is using these techniques to gaslight*, word salad can happen at any time.

The ten most common techniques of word salad in the context of Narc Speak are:

  1. Denying their own bad behavior, and instead, focusing on the victim’s.
  2. Continue reading: Word Salad and Narc Speak

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*Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted, spun, or selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.

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Never Underestimate the Power of Manipulation

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“I don’t understand why she would give it all up for a piece of sh*t killer. He must have played some serious mind games on her.”

~ A relative of Joyce Mitchell


From psychopathsandlove.com:

When this story was unfolding in the news, I thought it would turn into a Major Teaching Moment about psychopaths and their powerful manipulative skills…

Continue reading: Manipulation: How Far Can It Go?


Manipulators and Charm

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ExperienceDr. George Simon 13 Jun 2014 

Skilled manipulators can be quite seductive and charming. Still, I confess readily in my book In Sheep’s Clothing that when I first began my clinical research, I wondered how the victims of covert-aggressors could be so blind to their manipulator’s true character without having a lot of issues of their own.  Only after I got much deeper into the study of covert aggressors did it become clear to me not only how adept they can often be at using various tactics but also how powerful the tactics themselves inherently are.

Read the article…

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Common Types of Manipulation

Dr George Simon [blog], author of several best-selling books on psychopathy, has given descriptive labels to three manipulative tactics that all victims of narcissistic/psychopathic abuse are sure to recognize. The terminology offered by Dr Simon makes it easier to make sense of behaviors that otherwise may seem confusing or even cause self-doubt, and to discuss them. When you see manipulative behavior, it will probably reflect one or more of these tactics.

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See more blog posts relating to Dr. George Simon:


14 Psychopathic Tactics

 

Learn to identify their tactics!

wolf_in_sheep_clothing_1_-400x253 In Sheep’s Clothing

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, presents this list of 14 tactics that manipulators use to get you to do what they want. He points out the importance of recognizing that these tactics are offensive moves employed by the covert-aggressive to either maintain a position of power, gain power, or remove an obstacle from getting what he wants. You’ll be better equipped to deal with manipulators if you are familiar with this list of tactics and able to identify them when you encounter them:

    1. Denial – playing innocent, refusing to admit they have done something harmful.
    2. Selective inattention – playing dumb, or acting oblivious; refusing to pay attention to anything that might divert them from achieving their goal.
    3. Rationalization – making excuses or justifying their behavior, often in very convincing ways.
    4. Diversion – changing the subject, dodging the issue, distracting us from the real problem.
    5. Lying – deliberately telling untruths, concealing the truth, lying by omission.
    6. Covert Intimidation – intimidation through veiled threats.
    7. Guilt-tripping – using the conscientiousness of their victim against them to keep them self-doubting and anxious.
    8. Shaming – using subtle sarcasm and put-downs to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, and anxious.
    9. Playing the Victim role – playing the innocent victim to elicit compassion.
    10. Vilifying the Victim – making the victim the “bad guy”; pretending he’s only defending himself.
    11. Playing the servant role – disguising their personal agendas as service to a nobler cause.
    12. Seduction – flattering and overtly supporting others to get them to lower their defenses and be trusting.
    13. Projecting the blame (blaming others) – shifting the blame, scapegoating.
    14. Minimization – a combination of denial and rationalization, “making a molehill out of a mountain”.

Playing the Victim (film)

Playing the Victim

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Dealing with Manipulative People

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (See book cover in the sidebar!)

“A manipulative person … is a covertly aggressive personality.”
“You ask a manipulator a direct question, you rarely get a direct answer.”