DARVO—Role Reversal

 

A strategy common to all abusers is called DARVO.

Deny the abuse, Attack the victim, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender.

This is roughly how it can be done (ad absurdum for emphasis):

	• You are stupid. •
	• Are you accusing me of being stupid!? •
	• You are accusing me of making accusations! •
	• …but what you said was rude and untrue. •
	• More accusations! And you are calling me a rude liar! You are hostile and name calling. Leave me alone. •
	• Why did you call me ‘stupid’? •
	• You are harassing me. •
	• I want an explanation. Was it something I said that sounded stupid? •
	• I told you to leave me alone! Stop harassing me! Look, everyone, I am being victimized by that evil person for no reason! •

At this point, the aggressor, the one who instigated the conflict and made all of the assaults, may threaten his victim into submission or use the ‘silent treatment’ (also called ‘stonewalling’) until the victim gives up trying to hold the abuser accountable. He will characterize his victim as the offender and himself as the victim as he complains about the “harassment” he is being subjected to—without telling the whole story, of course. He may tell other people that the victim is menacing, irrational, or mentally unstable to start rumors that support his egocentric version of the situation, strengthen his credibility, and damage his victim’s reputation. He may use deceptive tactics, such as pretending to be hurt or worried and fabricate disinformation to manipulate other people to side with him, isolate his victim, and maximize the harm. If successful, the abuser gains sympathy and support while his victim is disgraced and may face social rejection. The abuser escapes accountability and, lacking empathy and remorse, is gratified by “winning” his power trip while his victim gets blamed and shamed and may suffer immensely from long lasting irreversible damage to his reputation, self esteem, and relations.

Do you recognize this scenario?
Please leave a comment and share your story!

Related articles

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• Denial and DARVO (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
• DARVO (changingminds.org)
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder (PsychopathResistance.com)
• Narcissists Provoke People,
  Then Blame Them
  (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
• Baiting & Bashing (PsychopathResistance.com)
• Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
• The 5 Senses of Abuse (larkkirkwood.wordpress.com)
• Being Manipulated By A Pro … The Narcissist (nakiafleming.wordpress.com)