DARVO—Role Reversal

 

A strategy common to all abusers is called DARVO.

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D.A.R.V.O.

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Deny the abuse, Attack the victim, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender.

This is roughly how it can be done (ad absurdum for emphasis):

You are stupid.

Are you accusing me of being stupid!?

You are accusing me of making accusations!

…but what you said was rude and untrue.

More accusations! And you are calling me a rude liar!
You are hostile and name calling. Leave me alone.

Why did you call me ‘stupid’?

You are harassing me.

I want an explanation. Was it something
I said that sounded stupid?

I told you to leave me alone! Stop harassing me! Look, everyone, I am being victimized by that evil person for no reason!

Do you recognize this scenario?
Please leave a comment and share your story!

DARVO

14 Psychopathic Tactics

 

Learn to identify their tactics!

wolf_in_sheep_clothing_1_-400x253 In Sheep’s Clothing

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, presents this list of 14 tactics that manipulators use to get you to do what they want. He points out the importance of recognizing that these tactics are offensive moves employed by the covert-aggressive to either maintain a position of power, gain power, or remove an obstacle from getting what he wants. You’ll be better equipped to deal with manipulators if you are familiar with this list of tactics and able to identify them when you encounter them:

    1. Denial – playing innocent, refusing to admit they have done something harmful.
    2. Selective inattention – playing dumb, or acting oblivious; refusing to pay attention to anything that might divert them from achieving their goal.
    3. Rationalization – making excuses or justifying their behavior, often in very convincing ways.
    4. Diversion – changing the subject, dodging the issue, distracting us from the real problem.
    5. Lying – deliberately telling untruths, concealing the truth, lying by omission.
    6. Covert Intimidation – intimidation through veiled threats.
    7. Guilt-tripping – using the conscientiousness of their victim against them to keep them self-doubting and anxious.
    8. Shaming – using subtle sarcasm and put-downs to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, and anxious.
    9. Playing the Victim role – playing the innocent victim to elicit compassion.
    10. Vilifying the Victim – making the victim the “bad guy”; pretending he’s only defending himself.
    11. Playing the servant role – disguising their personal agendas as service to a nobler cause.
    12. Seduction – flattering and overtly supporting others to get them to lower their defenses and be trusting.
    13. Projecting the blame (blaming others) – shifting the blame, scapegoating.
    14. Minimization – a combination of denial and rationalization, “making a molehill out of a mountain”.

Playing the Victim (film)

Playing the Victim

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