See also:
False Accusations
Kill the Messenger
DARVO—Role Reversal
ASPD Characteristics and Traits
Never Underestimate the Power of Manipulation
Smart Scheming
Reply
Tag Archives: victim
Why are some people abusive?
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DARVO—Role Reversal
A strategy common to all abusers is called DARVO.
Deny the abuse, Attack the victim, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender.
This is roughly how it can be done (ad absurdum for emphasis):
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• You are stupid.• |
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• Are you accusing me of being stupid!?• |
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• You are accusing me of making accusations!• |
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• …but what you said was rude and untrue.• |
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• More accusations! And you are calling me a rude liar!
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• Why did you call me ‘stupid’?• |
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• You are harassing me.• |
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• I want an explanation. Was it something
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• I told you to leave me alone! Stop harassing me! Look, everyone, I am being victimized by that evil person for no reason!• |
Do you recognize this scenario?
Please leave a comment and share your story!
Related articles
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- Denial and DARVO (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
- DARVO (changingminds.org)
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (PsychopathResistance.com)
- Narcissists Provoke People,
Then Blame Them
(SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com) - Baiting & Bashing (PsychopathResistance.com)
- Stonewalling or The Silent Treatment (SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com)
- The 5 Senses of Abuse (larkkirkwood.wordpress.com)
- Being Manipulated By A Pro … The Narcissist (nakiafleming.wordpress.com)
To name or not to name your abuser?
Legal and Moral Considerations
Isn’t it wrong to expose someone by name—even if they did cause harm?
If you are asking this question, you should also ask yourself if it is right for an abuser to get away with hurting people. Concealing an abuser’s identity is protecting them from consequences for their actions and enables them to continue preying on unsuspecting victims.
Isn’t it against the law to publish the name of an abuser?
No, it isn’t. The rule is simple: just stick to the truth. You may also publish their picture on the Internet as long as you own the copyright. Still, caution is advisable. You should be able to verify all of your statements that even remotely could be construed as defamatory. Refrain completely from insults and name-calling.
Intimidation tactics
A bully may threaten to sue you for libel to intimidate you, but in reality, a defamation lawsuit would not be in their interests because their own actions would then be fully exposed and scrutinized in court. Also, the burden of proof is on the party claiming libel. They don’t have a case unless they can prove that what you published is both defamatory and false. A lawsuit can take many years and become very costly, too.
You will become a threat
You are not at fault if the truth about an abuser’s behavior damages their reputation. From a bully’s egocentrically warped point of view and sense of entitlement; everything is your fault. Count on being accused of slander, libel, and probably all sorts of other crimes if you speak up. They may be scary in their denial; playing the victim role and acting out indignation, hurling accusations, and vilifying you while manipulating other people to turn against you and support their vengeful schemes. It’s all a game to them. A self-righteous, hateful, and remorseless schemer can cause you a lot of harm—but they don’t have the law on their side.
Consider the consequences
No one has the right to abuse you, and you are always entitled to defend yourself and to speak about what was done to you. However, it is up to you to decide what to do. You’ll need to examine all aspects of your situation and weigh your values against an estimated cost in personal suffering for asserting them. Read about cases similar to your own for valuable insights and warnings to heed, and educate yourself about psychopathy and libel laws to gain confidence and make a better informed decision. Most importantly, consider all possible consequences of ‘going public,’ especially danger to the life and well being of yourself and your loved ones.
More info: Exposing an Abuser
Accountability and Blame-Shifting
The Corporate Psychopath: Workplace Bullying
“Often these monstrous individuals are initially charming, displaying false empathy to the point that even when their victims instinct senses danger they ignore this feeling as irrational. These people have a natural talent for manipulation and are self-absorbed individuals with no conscience or feeling for others and for whom rules have no meaning. These depraved manipulators can appear unstoppable. Their non physical violence against innocent victims appears to be planned, purposeful and emotionless. Any attempt at reason will fail as these people appear to operate outside the code that governs normal, rational behaviour towards others.”
Read the article: The Corporate Psychopath: Workplace bullying | What’s it all about anyway?
See also:
- Fighting the Workplace Bully
- Why Workplace Bullies Thrive: The Bystander Effect
- Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
- When the Boss is a Psychopath
- $460 Billion Per Year—The Cost of Psychopathy
Word Salad and Narc Speak
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Posted on April 8, 2015 by Dana in Explaining Narcissists
Word Salad, also often referred to as Narc Speak, is a nonsensical mix of words, phrases, or conversations and is traditionally (and clinically) associated with a person who has Schizophrenia, Dementia, Logorrhea (a communication disorder of the brain), Schizophasia, Receptive Aphasia, or brain injuries.
In the context of Narc Speak, the word salad is a combination of intentional manipulative conversational techniques that are designed to frustrate, confuse, and erode the sanity of the victim by getting them to question their perceptions of events, as well as their own judgment in general. Narc Speak most commonly happens when the victim confronts the Narcissist with their behavior, although if the Narcissist is using these techniques to gaslight*, word salad can happen at any time.
The ten most common techniques of word salad in the context of Narc Speak are:
- Denying their own bad behavior, and instead, focusing on the victim’s.
- Continue reading: Word Salad and Narc Speak
*Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted, spun, or selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.
Don’t be duped.
See also: Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Dr. Sam Vaknin explains: “Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills.”
“In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”
Naive Prey Response Syndrome
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“Everyone is told the fairytale that we are all brothers and sisters under the skin. But what if that is not so?”
Read: Naive Prey Response Syndrome | The Path Whisperer
Free Candy
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Click to read a psychopath’s entertaining take on the description of his pathology. |
But He Never Hit Me…
When most people hear the word “abuse,” they naturally conjure up images of broken bones, black eyes, and bruises. But in truth, physical violence comprises the vast minority of abusive behaviors in any relationship. The overwhelming types of abuses are those that are difficult to recognize: verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, and spiritual. Because no outward signs of mistreatment exist, these types of abuses usually go unnoticed, especially by the woman experiencing them. In particular, abusive comments often lead a woman in any unhealthy relationship to distrust her own reality and good sense.
But He Never Hit Me: The Devastating Cost of Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women exposes the truth about these destructive behaviors and also reveals the red flags of a potentially abusive relationship. Women can explore their own background information to understand what led them to these men, the shocking costs that non-physically threatening relationships have on every part of their life, and ways in which they can make changes toward a more positive, healthy, and rewarding future. Imperative for women of all ages, from teens through senior citizens, But He Never Hit Me joins and aligns a large and supportive community of women dedicated to healthy, rewarding relationships.
Uncanny Sociopathic Abilities
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Are you my next target?
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by James
“If so, then boy have I got just the trick for you! Get your very own custom-made psychopath experience, with guaranteed success rate, for one of us at least. Order now, and get free emotional trauma to take with you when we’re done. While stocks last.” If there is one question all victims of psychopaths have asked themselves at some point in the period after their psychopath has moved on, it has to be “why me?” Or more specifically; “what was it that made me a target?” Read more…
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The Empath Strikes Back
You, too, can start a blog and share your experiences. Your voice will contribute to educating the public and spreading awareness about psychopathy. We can diminish the powers of evil-doers hiding behind “masks of sanity” by exposing them. Our combined voices will empower potential victims and future generations to guard themselves against abuse, improving their chances to live happier, more productive lives.
It’s easy to start a WordPress blog, and free. Click here!
“Psychopathy is our number one public health risk.”
Published on Apr 28, 2014
Sandra L. Brown, M.A., is the founder of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education. She is a former psychotherapist, community educator on pathological love relationships, clinical lecturer and trainer, TV and radio guest, and an author. Her books include the highly popular How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved, the award winning Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, as well as the clinically relevant Counseling Victims of Violence: A Handbook for Helping Professionals.
Sandra is recognized for her pioneering work in women’s issues related to relational harm from dangerous and pathological partners. She specializes in the development of Pathological Love Relationship training for other professionals and the development of survivor-based support services.
Empaths are Targets
Empathic people are natural targets
Often empaths are targeted by sociopaths because they pose the greatest threat. The empath is usually the first to detect that something is not right and express what s/he senses. As a consequence…
Continue reading…
The Dance – Sociopath and Empath
They LOVE to watch their empath target squirm. They LOVE to watch as they manipulate everyone around them into believing it’s all the fault of the empath. They LOVE the feeling of absolute CONTROL…
Continue reading…
Narcissists and Empaths: The Ego Dynamic | Let Me Reach
One popular theory is that Narcissists prey on Empaths and Sensitives because of their overly giving nature. While that is primarily true, there is another reason that goes even deeper, and it has to do with ego…
Continue reading…
The Transitional Target | Narcissist, Sociopath, and Psychopath…
Targets often experience cognitive dissonance, trying to project their own reasoning onto an unreasonable person. But their behavior is neither accidental nor unintentional…
Continue reading…
Dark Souls—Better the Devil | Empaths | Abused Empaths
There is no question when it comes to attracting Dark Souls, in particular sociopaths and psychopaths, that they can target and con anyone. However, it’s very difficult for anyone to understand that the psychopathic personality goes out with the sole purpose of intentionally victimizing anyone they come into contact with…
Continue reading…
See also:
- The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad
- The Relationship Between Empaths and Narcissists
- Empaths are Targets
- The Apath
- The Empath Strikes Back
What is Bullying?
You are mistaken if you believe that bullies only lurk in school hallways and on playgrounds… Mean kids grow up and become parents, co-workers, and bosses. They work in offices, businesses, for governments, in police departments, law offices, and charitable organizations.
They are cowards who lack the ability to work out problems in a reasoned, adult manner.
They need a fan club of followers and admirers who support their evil deeds, “flying monkeys” to persecute their targets, and/or technology to hide behind.
The adult bully’s personality pathology is characterized by a lack of empathy, craving for power, manipulativeness, and deceptiveness. Bullies feel entitled to use others as they wish and they derive sadistic pleasure from the harm they cause.
The Exploitable Epitome of Human Goodness
What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
Why doesn’t she just leave? Here’s why.
Do you think you can’t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a carefully crafted trauma bond – but you don’t need to be Houdini to escape.
Photo by Clearly Ambiguous
Traumatic bonding is a hit with abusers, because it helps him to maintain much-needed control. It helps him keep you where he wants you: tethered to him and his soul-destroying behaviour. But, the bond isn’t as iron-clad as he imagines. Here’s FIVE things he hopes you don’t know about traumatic-bonding, and how to shake off the shackles.
1. What is trauma bonding?
Traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment to your abuser. It happens when you feel emotionally and physically dependent upon a dominant partner – who dishes out abuse and rewards…
View original post 875 more words
The Silent Treatment
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
Why is it so easy for an abuser to get away with it and so difficult for an abuse victim to be heard? |
The typical serial bully is a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde personality type (male or female) who has put considerable effort into establishing and maintaining a respectable and credible public persona. Bystanders may believe they know him well, that he is a genuinely righteous person, and that he couldn’t possibly be capable of the malicious behavior he is accused of. Unable (and probably unwilling) to imagine that they have been deceived, their logical conclusion is that the accuser is the antagonist, acting out inexplicable malevolence. With derogatory implications about his target’s mental state, lack of character, or foul motives, the abuser fuels this role reversal. Feigning moral indignation and playing the part of the victim, he encourages supporters to see the real victim, who is attempting to be heard, as the abusive one.
Dr. Vaknin explains: “Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”
“Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties, it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey’s acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem.”
Dr. Sam Vaknin, Narcissism by Proxy
Three cognitive strategies have been identified for when people deny, discount, or dismiss occurrences of abuse and for turning away from effective steps to stop it and hold abusers accountable:
1Reflexively dismissing all evidence as questionable, incomplete, misleading, false, or in some other way inadequate. 2Using euphemism, abstraction, and other linguistic transformations to hide the abuse. 3Turning away: ‘I’m not involved,’ ‘There is nothing I can do about it,’ ‘I have no authority, jurisdiction, power, or influence,’ ‘This is no concern of mine,’ etc. |
See also:
Adult Bullies
Bullied to Death
Abusers operate on the sly.
DARVO: Deny Attack Reverse Victim/Offender
Why is it so hard to hold abusive people accountable for their actions?
Unashamed Voices:
True Stories Written by Survivors of Domestic Violence, Rape and Fraud: Exposing Sociopaths in Our Midst
Publication Date: December 31, 2014
Not everyone moves from a place of care and respect for themselves and others, because not everyone has (1) a conscience; (2) the ability to feel remorse; and (3) the ability to tap into affective empathy–the type of empathy that allows one to see and feel a situation from another’s perspective. People lacking these qualities are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. They exist everywhere in society, including our homes where their toxic and parasitic lifestyles are destroying families, children and communities every single day.
This collection of 33 true stories from across the globe written by survivors of toxic and abusive relationships sets out to expose the unchallenged pathological personalities and behaviors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Read more…
See also Victims of Psychopaths: True Stories
Dealing with Manipulative People
Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
“A manipulative person … is a covertly aggressive personality.”
“You ask a manipulator a direct question, you rarely get a direct answer.”
See more on Dr. George Simon and related blog posts:
- Common Types of Manipulation
- Dealing with Manipulative People
- Manipulation Tactics
- 14 Psychopathic Tactics
- Dr George Simon explains how manipulation tactics work.
- Vulnerabilities Exploited by Manipulators
Provocation Followed by Stonewalling
Bullying is a Form of Torture
Bullies leave their victims with long-lasting or permanent mental damage or drive them to despair and suicide. Keeping well within the confines of the law, they can be merciless killers who are never held accountable. What can we do to stop them?
Being Victimized
From The Narcissism Book of Quotes:
“One of the very difficult things to deal with after being the victim of a Narcissist is that most people will not want to believe what happened to you, even if they saw it with their own eyes!”
Sociopathic abuse can be most insidious. The abuser takes precautions so that there are no witnesses or hard evidence. He’ll tell others that he is being victimized and that the real victim’s reactions to his abuse are unprovoked and malicious or “irrational.” Destroying his target while attracting the attention he craves is a game to the sociopath; one he enjoys and plays with confidence. A “normal” person is easy prey to a skilled and experienced manipulator lacking a moral conscience.
“[They] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That’s what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back and watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle.”
The seasoned abuser is also highly selective. He will target people who are self-conscious and reluctant to draw attention to themselves. Like predators in the animal world who concentrate their efforts on prey that is separate from the herd, he is likely to choose someone who is a loner or with weak social connections; someone who is clearly vulnerable.
Abusers operate on the sly.
They’ve spent decades acquiring and refining a skill set they most likely first learned on the playground. Studies have shown that childhood bullies often grow up to become adult bullies.
These “adults” have developed ingenious ways to cover their tracks while making their victims look bad. The methods of tormenting their targets are also more sophisticated. The direct in-your-face approach won’t work in a professional or social setting, so they indulge in underhanded maneuvers and hit-and-run assaults.
Adult bullying is particularly insidious. It is often only the victim who knows it is happening, and if he tells someone else about it, he’s apt to be met with disbelief. The innocent target is easily labeled as the troublemaker. The sociopath has the whole scheme figured out and has it well rigged with virtual trip wires. The victim’s reactions to the abuse become additional ammunition for the abuser, who uses it to manipulate bystanders to side with him and to inflict more harm and distress onto his victim.
See also:
Adult Bullies
Exposing the Bully
Bystanders and Bullying
Bullies Get a Kick out of Seeing Others in Pain
Denying, Discounting, and Dismissing Abuse
“What have I done to deserve this?”
Those who are bullied often ask themselves:
“What have I done to deserve this?”
and the usual answer is that they have not done
anything to deserve such awful treatment.
Smear Campaign Tactics
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Discredit & isolate the victim
Play the victim and/or hero
Lie-exaggerate-manipulate
Manufacture fear/anger
Label the victim inferior
Hurt the victim for spite
Most abusers simply want what they want and will not be denied without unleashing a torrent of phony martyrdom and vicious slander all about you and how you are an abuser.
The smear campaigner needs to make their audience think they are a perfectly innocent person who was shockingly blindsided by your supposed evil, unreasonability, overemotionality or mental instability. Smear campaigners’ goals are to create mistrust of you, fear of you, and condemnation of you.
…they may admit that they have done something very minor, but that your response to it is outrageously unreasonable (or completely incompetent).
Lies of the smear campaigner include statements and insinuations that you are mentally ill, incompetent, untrustworthy, irrational, or unreasonable. The smear campaigner does this so that if your legitimate upset shows, the observer will attribute it to irrationality, ill intent, or instability, and not to a normal reaction to mistreatment.
- The Smear Campaign—Trademark of the Sociopath
PsychopathResistance.wordpress.com - How to Make the Narcissist Powerless to Affect Your Life Leyulela.com
- Cluster B Smear Campaigners SalemWitchHunt.wordpress.com
The Sociopath’s Favorite Target
Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissists are skilled at appearing “normal”. They choose a victim they feel they can dominate or manipulate, and they choose opportunities to abuse their victim when there are no witnesses or in a passive-aggressive, underhanded manner so that their secret mean streak isn’t exposed to others. Motivated by self-preservation and self gain, they lack fail-safes, such as empathy or a moral conscience, against selfish behavior that is harmful to others. Denial is a characteristic of the disorder. They can be highly critical of other people’s behavior, but they always feel righteous about their own.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (psychopathresistance.com)
- Empathy and the Lack of It
(robertlindsay.wordpress.com) - Sociopath vs. Narcissist.
(freefromhim.wordpress.com) - Narcissistic Personalities (angelspiritfree.wordpress.com)
- 6 Signs of Narcissism You May Not Know (psychologytoday.com)
- Test: Did you have a narcissistic mother? (lunaticoutpost.com)
- The Age of Narcissism (jessescrossroadscafe.blogspot.com)
- Conversational Narcissism (operaprince2013.wordpress.com)
14 Psychopathic Tactics
Learn to identify their tactics!
Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, presents this list of 14 tactics that manipulators use to get you to do what they want. He points out the importance of recognizing that these tactics are offensive moves employed by the covert-aggressive to either maintain a position of power, gain power, or remove an obstacle from getting what he wants. You’ll be better equipped to deal with manipulators if you are familiar with this list of tactics and able to identify them when you encounter them:
- Denial – playing innocent, refusing to admit they have done something harmful.
- Selective inattention – playing dumb, or acting oblivious; refusing to pay attention to anything that might divert them from achieving their goal.
- Rationalization – making excuses or justifying their behavior, often in very convincing ways.
- Diversion – changing the subject, dodging the issue, distracting us from the real problem.
- Lying – deliberately telling untruths, concealing the truth, lying by omission.
- Covert Intimidation – intimidation through veiled threats.
- Guilt-tripping – using the conscientiousness of their victim against them to keep them self-doubting and anxious.
- Shaming – using subtle sarcasm and put-downs to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, and anxious.
- Playing the Victim role – playing the innocent victim to elicit compassion.
- Vilifying the Victim – making the victim the “bad guy”; pretending he’s only defending himself.
- Playing the servant role – disguising their personal agendas as service to a nobler cause.
- Seduction – flattering and overtly supporting others to get them to lower their defenses and be trusting.
- Projecting the blame (blaming others) – shifting the blame, scapegoating.
- Minimization – a combination of denial and rationalization, “making a molehill out of a mountain”.
Playing the Victim
- Video interviews with Dr George Simon
(cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com) - 7 Social Hacks For Manipulating People—
PsychTronics (250ideationstation.wordpress.com) - George Simon—workshops on manipulators and character disorders (cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com)
Sociopaths Recruit Minions
Rebecca’s best friend sided with her tormentor.
12-year-old Rebecca was terrorized by as many as 15 girls who ganged up on her and picked on her for months. The torment and social isolation became overwhelming, and seeing no other way out, she ended her young life. Two girls, the major culprits, have been arrested. One of them went to the same school as Rebecca and had been dating her former boyfriend. The 14-year-old bully went around to friends at school and tried to turn them against Rebecca. The girl’s Facebook comments were callous and hateful, expressing desire for the death of young Rebecca. The second girl arrested was a former best friend of the victim who was influenced by the other girl to turn on her.
The two girls, 12 and 14, arrested for pushing Rebecca to despair and suicide.
Sociopaths come in many guises; they bring suffering and destruction upon us in all possible shapes and sizes, many times multiplying the damage by influencing others to join their evil missions, or at least to not interfere.
- Felony charges for girl accused of bullying 12-year-old to suicide (kdvr.com)
- Don’t Be A Minion (dontbeaminion.com)
- Bystanders and Bullying (PsychopathResistance)
- A Game of Destroying People (PsychopathResistance)
- The Psychopathic Duo (PsychopathResistance)
Masters of Deception
Psychopaths and sociopaths are likely to appear friendly and generous. They are masters of deception, adept at faking emotions they don’t actually have—compassion, remorse, or humility—to win trust or gain power over others. Behind a convincing facade of respectability, intelligence, and high moral standards, they operate outside of standard ethical boundaries; recruiting lower-level psychopaths to do their bidding and manipulating normal, “good” people into accepting or supporting their shady agendas.
Related articles
- The Making of a Minion (dontbeaminion.com)
- Dangerous Mind Games: How Psychopaths Manipulate and Deceive (http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com)
Manipulative People
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